tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65999407625786676342024-03-05T00:21:54.126-08:00extremely moderate mormonsMegan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-23130756431777913982014-09-10T23:54:00.002-07:002014-09-10T23:54:28.674-07:00Hour of PrayerI gave a talk a few months ago in Church and since I haven't been on here much (for reasons I'll hopefully find a way to articulate later but largely have to do with being pregnant) I thought I would post it. I had to edit some while on the stand for time and inspiration but I tried to update these so that my record would reflect the actual talk given as much as possible. In any case, enjoy.<br />
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<br />Hour of Prayer<br />by Megan K. Geilman<br /><br /><br />Introduction<br /><br />When Brother Steven’s called me to ask me to speak it was right before I was going to begin my scripture study, which I thought was perfect timing. After I accepted he told me the topic was “Hour of Prayer.” I repeated it back to him “Hour of Prayer?” and he confirmed. <br /><br />I thought this was an interesting topic to be asked to speak on-- “Hour of Prayer” because usually there’s a really broad subject like “prayer” or a practical question like “How can I get answers to my prayers.” And then I got literal and thought “Wow...have I ever actually had a whole entire hour of prayer?” No I haven’t...and then I felt bad because you know, really spiritual people probably have regular “hours of prayer,” right?<br /><br />Collectively, yes, I’ve had many hours of prayer but I have definitely never had an Enos like extended period of meditation with the divine. I seem to connect more with the sentiment Adam Miller says in his recent book “Letters to a Young Mormon.” "When you pray," Miller writes, "the most important thing is to stay awake." <br /><br />Luckily he continues: “The substance of a prayer is [a] willingness to remember, to heave your wandering mind back, once more, in the direction of God, and then, when it drifts off yet again, to heave it still another time." <br /><br />And of course I thought of the hymn. I had it running through my head all day “sweet hour of prayer, sweet hour of prayer...” with the vague understanding that what the Bishop seemed to be signaling to me was that I was to perhaps reference and delve into the context of prayer: the hour, the place, the timing, the environment of communing with our Heavenly Father. What are our “hour(s) of prayer”? My scripture study didn’t seem to yield much nor did the tags I had collected the past couple years in my notebook on “prayer.” Regardless, I opened a document, added my title and there it sat for the rest of the day.<br /><br />I figured I would start with someone who did have a few hours of prayer--Enos in the Book of Mormon. As the account reads, he prayed “all the day long...and when the night came [he] did still raise [his] voice…” So we’ve got a few hours of prayer to work with here.<br /><br />And Enos says: “I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins.”<br /><br />Now, fun fact about Megan: I participated on my high school’s wrestling team for two seasons, and I’m sure I looked as ridiculous as you can imagine me being on a wrestling team but it ended up being a great experience. In any case, I feel like I’ve always had a really personal connection to Enos’ description of his supplication--because I have spent some time literally wrestling other people for extended periods of time. <br /><br />In wrestling, you have two opponents who face each other on a mat with a ring around it. The object is to stay in the ring on the mat, and to simultaneously try to pin your opponent’s back to the mat while not getting pinned yourself by your opponent. You can win by achieving this pin or by scoring points through escapes, takedowns, or reversals. You can also lose points by stalling or having unsportsmanlike roughness. It’s a very engaging sport--you don’t participate through any tools like a bat or a ball. You have to be there, in the moment, and you have to be in shape or you’ll get hurt.<br /><br />Now we often mistake the account and read that Enos had a wrestle WITH God--but that’s not the case--he had a wrestle BEFORE God. In a word, he was wrestling with himself. While we are here on this earth, working to progress and become more like our Savior and to overcome the effects of the Fall, we are essentially having a continuous wrestling match between our divine nature and our natural man.<br /><br />Now Enos was--and I think this is a huge takeaway-- having this wrestle so that he could “receive a remission of [his] sins.” I think this phrase is where some people have thought that Enos was perhaps a rebellious dude. I think that’s hardly the case.<br /><br />To go back to my wrestling imagery, one of the players is the part of us that wants to do good and wants to be good, and the other player is the one that sometimes doesn’t want to live up to the standard--but even more common I think it’s side that doesn’t want to go through the wrestling process of repentance. The side of ourselves that wants to save ourselves. We want to fix all our sins on our own accord, we don’t want the help of the Savior or we don’t believe we are worthy of this help.<br /><br />We often associate our divine nature as the side that to quote Isaiah wants to “hide our face from sin” but I think it’s actually our natural man that tries to ignore the parts of ourselves that need fixing, the things we need a Savior for. We hide our face from these things so we don’t have to deal with them, but in doing that we kind of miss the point of our time here on earth. <br /><br />I think if Enos is to be considered rebellious, it’s in the way that we’re all rebellious--we are in constant need of repentance and it’s much easier in the short term to ignore our sins than to face up to them. The first step of repentance is always “recognition” because if we aren’t aware of something we don’t work to fix it. It’s easier to stay busy with “normal life” than to take the time to wrestle and repair our souls. As human beings, we don’t go to a doctor unless we know that we’re sick. And no one likes to realize that they’re sick--but we are--we are all fallen and we need a Savior.<br /><br />And this is what I think is so remarkable about Enos’ “hour(s) of prayer”--that he took the time to wrestle with himself for a remission of his sins. He was willing to admit he has sins and then give up his pride and go through the repentance process. I don’t know if there is anything more admirable and worthy of respect than someone willing to go through the repentance process. To pin down the natural man and allow the Savior to take our sins upon Him. We don’t like to become aware of our weaknesses--yet it is only when we allow ourselves to do this, to wrestle with our weaknesses, that find redemption. That we can become changed, to eventually become holy:<br /><br />Ether 12:27 “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”<br /><br />Contrast this with a quote from C.S. Lewis' “The Screwtape Letters” a fictional correspondence between two devils:<br /><br />“You must bring him to a condition in which he can practice self-examination for an hour without discovering any of those facts about himself which are perfectly clear to anyone who has ever lived in the same house with him or worked in the same office.”<br /><br />We win this wrestling match when give up our will for the Father’s in actually admitting our sins and using the Savior’s Atonement to change rather than attempting to change ourselves--an impossible and fruitless task. <br /><br />Again from “The Screwtape Letters” the senior Screwtape counsels the junior devil Wormwood on the subject of prayer. He counsels that he can slow down progress of the subject by the subtle art of misdirection and making them believe they can change themselves. “The simplest is to turn their gaze away from Him (Jesus) towards themselves. Keep them watching their own minds and trying to produce feelings there by the action of their own wills. When they meant to ask Him for charity, let them, instead, start trying to manufacture charitable feelings for themselves and not notice that this is what they are doing. When they meant to pray for courage, let them really be trying to feel brave. When they say they are praying for forgiveness, let them be trying to feel forgiven.”<br /><br />When we spend energy trying to change ourselves rather than humbling ourselves and allowing Christ to change our natures, we really slow down our progress in an effort to feel validated. We spin our wheels in self examination without ever actually getting anywhere. It is only through the Savior that we can put the rubber to the road.<br /><br />Salvation is a process, and as King Benjamin says in the Book of Mormon: “that there shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent.”<br /><br />When I went to bed that night I had not written anything and my thoughts and inclinations didn’t seem to point in any specific direction. I had had a vague feeling to reread Luke 22, which I had read the day before and remembered it specifically mentions Christ praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. As I reread the account, it struck me that what I really needed to speak on was THE hour of prayer. The most important hour of prayer to ever be prayed in the history of man.<br /><br />The account of Luke reads:<div>
<br /><br /><i>41 And he was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed,<br /><br />42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.<br /><br />43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.<br /><br />44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.</i><div>
<br /><br />THIS hour of prayer, and the events surrounding it, are the only reason we have any hope to be saved from this world of care or from the tempter’s snare.<br /><br />I want us to think about this specific and sacred hour of prayer as I reread the lyrics from the hymn “Sweet Hour of Prayer.” The hour when the Savior lay in agony, and as Alma states: “suffer[ed] pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind...tak[ing] upon him [our] infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy...that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people…” (Alma 7:11-12)<br /><br /><i>Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer!<br /><br />That calls me from a world of care<br /><br />And bids me at my Father's throne<br /><br />Make all my wants and wishes known.<br /><br />In seasons of distress and grief,<br /><br />My soul has often found relief<br /><br />And oft escaped the tempter's snare<br /><br />By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!</i><br /><br />When I started writing this talk I was sort of thinking how I could improve or possibly actually achieve an hour of prayer. What I realized in writing this talk is that I need, and might be more successful, if instead I focus more of my energy meditating on HIS prayer and HIS sacrifice for mankind, that prayer and ultimately his death and resurrection, and how through him, and only through him, I (and subsequently my prayers) can be changed. <br /><br />Also, as this being Father’s day, I wanted to give a shout out to all the Father’s out there and thank you for all that you do and who you are. I’m grateful for my husband who is a wonderful father and for my own father, but most especially for my Heavenly Father. In the Bible Dictionary, the section on “Prayer” reads:<br /><br />As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/7.7-11?lang=eng#6">Matt. 7:7–11</a>). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.<br /><br />Testimony and Close</div>
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Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-43081181632058227492014-03-20T11:29:00.000-07:002014-03-24T20:56:35.547-07:00The Parable of the Lost Coin<span style="font-size: x-small;">I've been honored to call Samantha my friend. I honestly think she has the talent be the next Malcolm Gladwell (or THE Mormon Malcolm Gladwell). She has a way of writing things succinctly and in a way even the most hardened heart can consider. And she pretty much always says exactly what I'm thinking but makes it sound 10,000 times more cool. This post originally appeared on her blog "</span><a href="http://www.scarlettcalledscout.com/2014/03/18/the-parable-of-the-lost-coin/" style="font-size: small;" target="_blank">Scarlett Called Scout</a><span style="font-size: x-small;">" (she is also currently pregnant with a girl who she may name Scarlett and actually call "Scout"--so cute!) and made me immediately think of some of the knee-jerk reactions I hear about Mormon Feminism. I've always been perplexed that more Mormons don't feel a very personal responsibility to go and find the lost sheep, or I think in too many cases, the lost coin. Take it away, Sam...</span><br />
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By Samantha Strong Murphey<br />
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I was reading <a href="https://www.lds.org/media-library/audio-interim/jesus-the-christ">“Jesus the Christ”</a> by James E. Talmage this morning and was struck by an old parable in a new way. There are <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/15?lang=eng">three parables</a> Christ tells, all in the same discourse, all along the same vein. There’s the parable of the lost sheep, the parable of the lost coin and the parable of the prodigal son. All three of them are essentially about feeling joy and gratitude when something lost has been recovered, but the second parable is distinctly different than the other two. I’ve never noticed that before. In the parable of the lost sheep and the parable of the prodigal son, what is lost has become so because it has wandered off of its own free will. But in the parable of the lost coin, what is lost has become so because of the carelessness of the caretaker. Here’s what Talmage has to say about it:<br />
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<i>“The woman who by lack of care lost the precious piece may be taken to represent the theocracy of the time, and the Church as an institution in any dispensational period; then the piece of silver, every one a genuine coin of the realm, bearing the image of the great King, are the souls committed to the care of the Church; and the lost piece symbolizes the souls that are neglected and, for a time at least, lost sight of by the authorized ministers of the Gospel of Christ.”</i><br />
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Sometimes I think people forget that “the Church as an institutuion in any dispensational period” is capable of neglecting the care of certain souls. Sometimes it’s easier to believe that it’s the coin’s fault that it’s lost than it is to recognize that we could have something to do with it, or what’s more, that the Church leaders we look up to could have blind spots too. But the Savior seemed to understand that even the authorized ministers of His gospel are sometimes short-sighted, that even the most faithful are vulnerable to carelessness. The Savior seemed to know that the joy to be had in recovering those souls would sometimes come only when we accept our fault and open our eyes.<br />
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<i>Samantha Strong Murphey is a lover of greenery, glitter and goat cheese, an advocate of media literacy, human rights and karaoke for all. She earned bachelor's degree in communications from Brigham Young University. Now, she works as a full-time freelance writer and blogger based in Atlanta, Georgia.</i>Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-63309061107442380372014-03-12T20:41:00.000-07:002014-03-13T10:28:08.358-07:00Dear ChildDear Child,<br />
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I am mainly writing this letter out of sense of self preservation, but also some love. SO much love. I know there will come a point when you have become enough of an adult, that you will look back at your childhood with some degree of perspective. I don't know how old you will be or where life will take you but I am almost certain this moment will happen, perhaps multiple times. It may come when you are financially independent, or when you get married, or when you have children of your own, but it will come. You will feel that because you can see the good and the bad at the same time that you can make a clear judgement on your childhood. And you might be right. It is in this moment, that I hope you read or remember this letter.<br />
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I write because there may be a time or times when you will assess the support we gave you as parents, with probably more clarity than we can, and you may feel more disappointment than gratitude. You may feel that the net worth of your upbringing was negative rather than positive. It may just be a brief moment or years of therapy but it will happen.<br />
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I believe it will happen because it has happened to me*, and it's happened to my parents, and I'm sure their parents...probably all the way back to those <a href="http://meridithwrites.blogspot.com/p/she-loved-garden.html" target="_blank">first parents</a>. It is perhaps the reason that generational superiority or the "generation gap" exists--the belief that you and your generation know <i>better </i>either<i> </i>because of social evolution or experience or both.<br />
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My father-in-law (your grandpa) has a wonderful philosophy about parenting he phrases in one sentence: "it's our job to move the ball forward." To keep the proverbial ball of humanity in progress and getting better. That each generation has the responsibility move forward, and not backward. To get better, and not worse. I like it, it's a very humble philosophy. And since generational superiority is essentially pride falling out on both sides of the gap, I think humility is the only way we can attack this problem. With humility, you can look back and trust they were doing the best they can with what they had AND you can look forward, knowing they probably won't do things the same way you did and that's okay, maybe even good.<br />
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At some moment in your life you will judge me and my actions against the progress humanity has made since you were a child. All the knowledge and practice and "ball rolling forward" that has happened between your childhood and the birth of your own children. And you will inadvertently hold that gap against me and your father. You may recognize it and you may resist it but it will be there, a thorn in your consciousness, begging to be pulled out.<br />
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I am so certain that this is a universal coming of age because of a singular fact: parents are people and people are flawed. The universality of human experience and the nature of fallen man. Because of <a href="http://extremelymoderatemormons.blogspot.com/2014/02/getting-my-artist-on.html" target="_blank">The Fall</a>, we are all of us, mortally wounded and broken.<br />
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And while we trudge through this earthly, fallen realm we bear children. Beautiful, perfect, flawless beings sent to our presence and stewardship, where it becomes mainly <i>our</i> responsibility to teach them right from wrong, good from evil. It's a big job, and some of us shrink or fail, but most rise to the challenge and work to give you the best chance we can at a happy and successful life. And we want <i>so</i> much good for you. <br />
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A parent's love for a child is undeniable and indescribable and is only limited by our own fallen natures. The Savior understood this love and used it to teach and illustrate the love God has for us:<br />
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<i>For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. </i><br />
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<i>Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?<br /><br />Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?<br /><br /><b>If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children</b>, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Matthew 7:8-11, emphasis added)</i></div>
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God, our Heavenly Father, wants so much to bless us and give us the kind of life He enjoys because of His immense love for us. He sent us down to this earth, a mortal collegiate experience, so that we could learn to <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-cor/5.7?lang=eng#6" target="_blank">walk by faith, not sight</a>. To stumble like toddlers and provide help for us when we seek and ask for it. His ultimate goal is for our happiness (Moses 1:39). And like any good parent, He must set conditions on us receiving that happiness, lest He spoil us, His children.</div>
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<i>For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)</i><br />
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And so child, please know that we tried our best. We tried to set the right limits on your behavior at the right times AND give you the right freedoms at the appropriate moments so that you could learn and grow and become the person God wants you to be. To help you use your agency to make good choices and become better. A help to those around you more than a burden and a positive contribution to this little world of ours.</div>
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I hope above all you can forgive us, your parents. Because the bad news is, of course, that we too are fallen. We have most likely failed you in some small or large way. There will be moments when you feel as though you've assessed everything and you are saddened by the conclusions you find. It is in these moments, my dear sweet child, that I hope you remember the Savior.</div>
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The one perfect being sent by the one perfect parent to pay for all of us. He suffered for the sins of all mankind so that we wouldn't have to. He is the only one who can pull out the thorn of your resentment. To give you the power to forgive. And as long as we remember that we need the payment He offers as much as the thief, the murderer, and the rapist than we can find it in ourselves to forgive those who trespass us. Even parents, who come to this job with <i>every</i> good intention. </div>
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And so I hope you know this child. I hope you know this because I will have tried to teach it to you as best I could, and I hope you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me.</div>
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Love,</div>
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Mom<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Mom and Dad if you read this, please know I really do think you're the greatest parents ever. Love you!!!</span><br />
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Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-28733449636456541422014-02-27T10:10:00.001-08:002014-02-27T10:10:54.578-08:00It's an Extroverts Church: Part I<div>
By Megan Licous Speer</div>
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I'd like to welcome our first guest post blogger: Megan Licous Speer. I met Megan by being her visiting teacher. I was a recently returned missionary myself and had an almost overbearing passion for visiting teaching. I'm glad because this girl makes you work for her friendship--and boy does it pay off. She's major cool, fiercely loyal, hugely articulate, and a mega talented writer. And her name is Megan. I'm more of an extrovert so the social aspect of Church has been good to me, but I think it's important to hear different perspectives so we can help everyone have a positive church experience. This post was <a href="http://megansbigredblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/its-extroverts-church-part-one.html">originally posted</a> on her blog "rawm" on February 24, 2014 as part one. Part II is posted <a href="http://megansbigredblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/its-extroverts-church-part-two.html">here</a>. </span><div>
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To be righteous is to be social; this is the main thing I learned at church during my college years.<br /><br />After my parents moved our family to Oregon when I was six, we had the good fortune of rooting and staying in the area for a very long time. LDS congregations are determined geographically, so I knew the same people at church, at school, and in the neighborhoods from the time I could remember to the time I left for college. Because of how comfortable I was, and because I rarely--if ever--had to engage someone I hadn't known pretty much all my life, I left for college having no idea that I was an introvert or that my religion was deeply social.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_4a4Wrdvtu9CQBbs7yUsfWAAndVLLbC9V_L9DW4UZVKIUtvlDIqZeEIi9FbYYGRG-vAIjKtGBmwvpENMlmRWlYU0Fm4oL7hmYWzP-DzVD5XCxZ4TereF1XSBs7a7-UeM0vmM6OmsL_Y/s1600/family+ward+act.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_4a4Wrdvtu9CQBbs7yUsfWAAndVLLbC9V_L9DW4UZVKIUtvlDIqZeEIi9FbYYGRG-vAIjKtGBmwvpENMlmRWlYU0Fm4oL7hmYWzP-DzVD5XCxZ4TereF1XSBs7a7-UeM0vmM6OmsL_Y/s1600/family+ward+act.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Megan is on the far right, with her arms crossed.</td></tr>
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<br />Obviously, churches are institutions, and are--by definition--social. Still, as churches go, the LDS church is peculiar. Where many religions have room for or even focus on private worship, LDS religious worship is almost exclusively social. I was thinking about this one day and wanted to make a list of all religious activities that are interpersonal. The ones I came up with are:<br /><br />-all three hours of weekly church (sacrament meeting [partake of ordinance and general worship], Sunday school [scripture study], third hour [sex-specific and -divided meetings])<br />-prayer in familial and any other groups<br />-family and seminary or other group scripture study<br />-24/7 missions of predetermined length (assigned living arrangement with a stranger)<br />-all temple rituals, which are essential for exaltation<br />-all midweek activities (all organized by group [age and sex])<br />-all non-formal missionary work (interaction with friend, neighbor, co-worker, etc.)<br />-family home evening<br />-visiting and home teaching<br />-all additional young adult activities<br />-viewing general conference (culturally social)<br />-baptism and confirmation<br />-charitable service (culturally social)<br />-all formal repentance<br />-bearing of testimony<br />-receiving or giving patriarchal blessings<br />-receiving or giving priesthood blessings<br />-virtually all callings (organized, temporary church volunteer positions)<br />-exaltation (gifts from God based on worthiness, most importantly: living with and as Gods in family units)<br />-worthiness and other interviews<br /><br />For sure, the degree to which each of these is social, and with whom exactly they are done, varies quite a bit, but it is either unusual or impossible to do any of them alone. Depending on the demographics of a member's area and living situation, they may have to go to a complete stranger for any of these hopefully personal, spiritual experiences. Compare these to the list of religious activities members can do alone:<br /><br />-scripture study<br />-prayer<br />-genealogical research<br />-small acts of kindness<br />-receiving revelation and spiritual promptings<br />-paying tithing (unless paying with a spouse)<br />-journal-keeping (but often done with a purpose of sharing with others)<br />-salvation (gifts from God that come regardless of worthiness, namely immortality)<br />-pondering<br /><br />Members are taught to make personal worship daily habit, but this is rarely discussed at length, and it doesn't stop there. In general, the church favors teachings on family, missionary work, and group service above solitary relationship with God, meditation, or progression. In an LDS meeting, the phrase "take a moment to think to yourself" is usually followed by, "now turn to your side and share with your neighbor." The scriptures--even some of the most famous passages--talk about retiring to your closet or going into the wilderness alone to ponder, repent, and strive, but this is not emphasized in lessons. While it is mentioned that the Savior often went up into the mountains alone to think and meditate, it is always emphasized that He never turned away any who sought after Him (which they invariably did), I assume because His apostles wished to emphasize His selflessness over His personal worship style or personality traits.<br /><br />Group activities are given much more emphasis than individual activities that are elevated in other religions; for example, it is generally unacceptable to skip church meetings to ponder and study alone. Even the idea of dedicating the Sabbath to personal worship after regular meetings is suspect; at times, I have asked to have auxiliary church meetings I attend held during the week, rather than on Sunday, so that I could focus on personal worship and being with my family, but it has always been very poorly received or completely side-eyed and denied. Sunday, it seems, is--rather than a day of rest--a day given to members to perform all of their religious, social duties.<br /><br />Socializing is not bad and introverts enjoy socializing, mainly when their batteries are full and it's on a personal, no-nonsense, deep conversational level that is rarely reached in LDS religious group settings. In a religion with a compulsory social schedule and agenda, with heavy moral implications attached, introverts find themselves inching by and leaving meetings as soon as they end, sometimes feeling guilty or being questioned for it later. "We go even when we don't want to go" is what my mom often told me and my brothers when it came to church duties, and I wonder now if that was advice from an introvert to her replicated introverts as much as it was from a dutiful church member to her children.<br /><br />In some ways, this focus on the social respects and speaks to the quiet intimacy of spiritual experience, allowing members to focus their time together on edifying one another in mind, spirit, heart, perception, and understanding. Some social aspects of the church are entirely redeeming: things are done by common consent, members serve as volunteers in different capacities, and members know they will have a ward family to support them no matter where they go. At a time, though, when psychologists believe extroversion and introversion are based in biology, culturally steering religious experience toward extroverts, rather than introverts, makes about as much sense as steering religious experiences more toward men than women.<br /><br />Despite all of this, introverts can win in the ways that matter to them: by reading the lessons in advance and making personal reflection a precursor to meetings; by sharing powerful, personal insights as speakers or teachers; and, when needed, by working to find the spirit within the noise.<br /><br />I arrived at college to an instant, geographically determined network of people I was supposed to automatically like, spend time with, support religiously, socially, and academically, as well as be around 24/7. It didn't take long to realize that religion and spirituality were different than what I thought they were, and the self-discovery and struggle that have followed have become invaluable to me.</div>
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<i>Megan Nield Speer grew up in Hillsboro, Oregon, graduated in 2012 with a BA in English from Brigham Young University, and currently works for the university and as a freelance writer. Her current focuses include postmodernism, film, feminism, LDS culture, holistic living, and online outreach. She and her husband, Samuel, enjoy collaborating on artistic and social projects. </i></div>
Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-43981955799546603342014-02-17T14:51:00.000-08:002014-02-19T23:43:04.684-08:00Getting My Artist OnRecently I decided to participate in a game of <a href="http://telephone.satellitepress.org/" target="_blank">artist's telephone</a>. The event was hosted by an artist's troupe called "Satellite Collective" based in Michigan and New York City. I'd never heard of them but I saw several friend's posting about the game on Facebook and decided to apply. I was accepted and already had an idea for an artwork after I successfully pulled off our <a href="http://extremelymoderatemormons.blogspot.com/2013/12/merry-christmas-from-our-family-to-yours.html" target="_blank">Family Christmas Photo</a>. I knew I wanted to do an image about The Fall using my Sister and her husband, exploring the dilemma in partaking of the fruit. Sometimes I just have to get my artist on, you know?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiesQICfcKeyRopms7NizQYbJfEA72Ais6pBm8WsaSNnsqyoFe9WCdyV5gJMU6T64ISelmp-i1W3nFXSMM7rPL51_XttYNsuxP357l4cBzv1c_Vk3C39_2VCocxhnJNQ43zFlW6ZkrPPbM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-17+at+2.58.58+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiesQICfcKeyRopms7NizQYbJfEA72Ais6pBm8WsaSNnsqyoFe9WCdyV5gJMU6T64ISelmp-i1W3nFXSMM7rPL51_XttYNsuxP357l4cBzv1c_Vk3C39_2VCocxhnJNQ43zFlW6ZkrPPbM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-17+at+2.58.58+PM.png" height="219" width="640" /></a></div>
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When I got my assigned artwork that was to inspire my piece, I knew it would totally mesh with my Adam and Eve. It was a poem by an artist from London about transcendence, personal journey, and obvious use of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiasmus#In_religious_texts" target="_blank">chiasmus</a>:<br />
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I had a month to complete the artwork. I spent most of the month taking a little time here and there to research and flesh out my ideas in order to communicate them. You'll see influences of Mormon theology and cultural ideas, traditional Adam and Eve narratives, the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnolfini_Portrait" target="_blank">Arnolfini Wedding</a>, the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington_(Greenough)" target="_blank">Smithsonian George Washington Statue</a>, and <a href="http://www.mfa.org/collections/object/king-menkaura-mycerinus-and-queen-230" target="_blank">Ka Statues of Ancient Egypt</a>. I scheduled with my models (Sister and Brother-in-law) and photographer (my Dad). I made lists of everything I would need to borrow or buy or collect to have in the photo. I tried to plan out everything so the day of would go smoothly. Art for me is a sort of problem to solve or puzzle to piece, and doing these sorts of photographs gives me a lot of satisfaction in completing and getting as close to what I have in my head as possible out in the physical world. </div>
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Serendipitously, the lesson in Relief Society yesterday was on the fall and creation and the teacher shared this wonderful quote by Vida D. Scudder: "Creation is a better means of self-expression than possession; it is through creating, not possessing, that life is revealed." My art and my religion have always gone very hand in hand.</div>
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It took most of the day, much like my Christmas photo, but I'm 91.7% happy with the results. For a perfectionist, I think that's a good level of satisfaction.</div>
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I emailed the photo this morning, the day of the deadline, and the head curator emailed me back very happy with the results:<br />
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<i>Dear Megan, <br /><br />Wow! This is absolutely splendid! What a beautiful interpretation of the work that you were assigned and such a great translation of the message contained in the piece preceding your own. Bravo! Seriously, this kind of made me tear up a bit and I think you'll be blown away when you see the originating message (many messages before your own). <br /><br />We'll be certain to keep you updated as Telephone continues to make progress but, for now, you have our very deepest gratitude for playing with us. <br /><br /><br />Highest regards to you,<br /><br />Nathan Langston</i><br />
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The little artist teacher's pet inside of me was very, very happy.</div>
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Special thanks to my husband, my parents, and my models. Here's my latest artwork, titled "Adam's Dilemma" and is an allegorical depiction of the moment <i>after</i> Eve decided and partook of the fruit, but <i>before</i> Adam did.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Adam's Dilemma" by Megan Knobloch Geilman</td></tr>
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<i>"And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.<br /><br />And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.<br /><br />But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.<br /><br />Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." -- 2 Nephi 2:22-25</i></div>
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Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-33243773351829569582014-01-28T15:41:00.000-08:002014-02-06T14:13:07.130-08:00Happy Birthday to Me: A Post on Motherhood and PerfectionismYesterday was my birthday. 28. Wow. I don't think I ever imagined being 28. It leaves this year feeling vaguely open and mildly exhilarating.<br />
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This is also the first birthday where I am a mother.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I mean really, it doesn't get much better than that.</td></tr>
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Now, I have been blessed with one of the sweetest, most well-tempered and easy babies I think in existence. He takes his naps and (finally) sleeps through the night and eats with only a reasonable<br />
amount of mess and smiles and plays and is healthy. I <i>love</i> being a Mom. Pretty much the greatest thing a parent can ask for is a healthy, happy baby. Having said all this, parenthood is it's own crazy, wild ride. Children are largely unpredictable and irrational. They are complex algorithms with ever changing variables. They bring a greater range of emotion than previously known--there is so, so much more joy, but there is also the potential for so much more pain. And you can't weight your options before you take the plunge--it is a leap of faith in the truest sense of the word. I was trepidatious about the rigors of motherhood and becoming a mother myself because I also suffer from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_(psychology)">perfectionism</a>. I had always wanted to be a momma, but life's experiences had made me cautious.<br />
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Perfectionism is <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/perfectionism">defined</a> as "a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness." A lot of people could blame my Mormon upbringing as to how I contracted this disease, or religion in general but I think it's just one aspect of the human condition: everyone has it to some degree. Perfectionism isn't about competition, it's not about being better than someone else, it's about being the best you can be. And sometimes that pressure can lead to depression or other neurotic behaviors. If it was just Mormons or Christians who suffer from perfectionism, we wouldn't live in a world where there is a thing called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kar%C5%8Dshi" target="_blank">Karoshi</a> (the Japanese term for literally working yourself to death) or <a href="http://ctworkingmoms.com/2013/06/11/end-the-mommy-wars-special-photo-edition/" target="_blank">The Mommy Wars</a>. It's a symptom of the modern age, and if you ask my parents they will tell you I just came packaged this way. <br />
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My entire life I've felt like it was <i>my</i> job to save the world, and any attempts to either live fully to my personal expectations or just "fuggedaboutit" have left me gasping for air, for I am no Atlas (or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nc42tliHDE" target="_blank">Donnie Brasco</a> for that matter). Sometimes feeling like I'm carrying the weight of the world has led me down paths of great despair and depression, and much of my late teens and early twenties were marked with bouts of varying degrees with occasional interventions of medication and counseling. The last five years have been a wonderful reprieve, feeling I've gotten a bit of a handle on things using a combination of <span id="goog_1862446238"></span><span id="goog_1862446239"></span><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201307/vitamin-d-deficiency-and-depression" target="_blank">Vitamin D</a> and <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/7.10-13?lang=eng" target="_blank">Jesus</a>. Also repeating early and often: "you can't do <i>everything</i>, but you can do <i>something</i>." A dollar to this charity, a kind word to a friend, taking care of my baby: I try to focus on what I'm <i>doing</i> rather than what seems to be falling outside of my grasp.<br />
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I also met a man who shares a lot of my same world views which has allowed me to feel I can share the burden. He too is quite a perfectionist and I wonder if it's not a genetic malady since I already see traces of it in our son. We've also had a great amount of success in helping the other keep their perfectionism in check: sharing strategies, cheering each other on, and just talking through things.<br />
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Despite all this progression, becoming a mother has given me a combination of feeling a greater responsibility to make a better world for the next generation, and a fearlessness I have never known. This combination, the internet, and my personal belief system has led me to recently think I have the <a href="http://extremelymoderatemormons.blogspot.com/2013/11/homosexuals-and-plan-of-salvation-why.html" target="_blank">audacity</a> to <i>actually</i> make the world a better place. Ether 12:4 in the Book of Mormon:<br />
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<i>"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God."</i><br />
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There are days when I love my perfectionism--it's made me a better student, a better employee, a better wife and mother, a better artist, a better Mormon, and a better person. Being a perfectionist gives you great satisfaction with getting things <i>done</i>. All the world's great movers and shakers were <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creativity-The-Psychology-Discovery-Invention/dp/0062283251/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1390943781&sr=8-3&keywords=mihaly+csikszentmihalyi" target="_blank">perfectionists</a>--who <i>wouldn't</i> want to rub shoulders with those folks? And since I'm a generally happy person with a laid back attitude, you'll only begin to notice my perfectionism up close. Unless you happen to catch me when I'm having a bad day, or a bad <a href="http://extremelymoderatemormons.blogspot.com/2014/01/dear-struggling-missionary.html" target="_blank">year</a>. I am sincerely grateful to my friends and family who have stuck by me despite my myriad quirks, emotionality, and sometimes overbearing passion.<br />
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But there are days when I just wish I could not care <i>so</i> much. Perfectionism means never being satisfied with yourself. Perfectionism can be debilitating and easily mistaken for laziness--I've collectively spent many hours just spaced out trying to solve my personal problems or issues of the world. I forget things, I'm a self proclaimed space cadet. It makes it hard to commit to things for fear that you won't be reliable or something will fall through the cracks. Analysis Paralysis is my middle name, but I also thrive on organization. <br />
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Perfectionism makes it easy to judge people who don't seem to be trying as hard at life as you are. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a consistent personality so that I can make and keep friends (people don't like it when you step out of the box that they've put you in). It's hard to speak my mind when I see two sides to every argument. Note: Mitt wasn't a flip-flopper, he was a perfectionist (and a moderate) but that is another post for another day. In my world everybody is right and everybody is wrong at the same time. I can see how every action both helps and hurts. <br />
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Perfectionism can sometimes feel like noblesse oblige on steroids. People think you're self righteous. In a word, it's exhausting. The only difference between a Perfectionist and a control freak is the former tries to do so without seeming, whilst always checking their intentions and outcomes. Sometimes I feel I must be the only person who has 17 <a href="http://extremelymoderatemormons.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-straight-and-narrow-path-how-to.html" target="_blank">moral dilemmas</a> before lunch time. Some days it's hard to tell if being a perfectionist is an aspect of the <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3.19?lang=eng#18" target="_blank">natural man</a> or my <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/abr/3.22-23?lang=eng" target="_blank">divine nature</a> as a child of God. In any case, I'd love to have just a day when I could not feel like I'm carrying an angry minotaur ready to jump out and devour my whole life. A day when I just didn't care. A day when I don't feel I have to manage something within myself.<br />
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If you deal with perfectionism, it's easy to see why people self-medicate. It is also why I love watching TV.<br />
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So this year I decided for my birthday I was going to give myself a day off: a day free of actual or lingering guilt. A "mental health day" that <i>wasn't</i> preceded by a breakdown. A day free of the little voice of shame saying that I'm not enough: not <i>doing</i> enough, not <i>being</i> enough, not <i>fixing</i> enough. A day where I don't worry about the rest of the world. A day with just me and my little family. A day where I didn't berate myself for not getting things done: the laundry (I wasn't even going to DO the laundry!), the dishes cleaned (I would leave them in the sink!), my church calling, my <a href="http://www.simplepressdesign.com/" target="_blank">work</a>, or feeling a responsibility to fix the problem of <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/03/super-bowl-sex-trafficking_n_2607871.html" target="_blank">sex slavery</a> in the United States. I'll take on the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_slavery" target="_blank">rest of the world</a> next week.<br />
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By eleven o'clock I gave up. The energy it took to try and not think about those things was way more energy than I wanted to spend on what now seemed like a fruitless quest. Not to mention it was stressing me out.<br />
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I decided to get out of the house. Walking has been therapy for me for many years, but I left the stroller in the car and the car was with my husband at work. There's a small park near my house I often take the baby to play in the grass and get some sunlight. I grabbed the little guy and left my phone and computer (which kept pinging with Facebook birthday notifications--oh if only my high school self could see me now!) and worries behind.<br />
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The thing about your thoughts is that they are not so easily shed as a coat, or your keys, or your phone. A great quote is from Wallace Wattles, whose only legacy to the world might just be this quote, goes as follows: “There is no labor from which most people shrink as they do from that of sustained and consecutive thought. It is the hardest work in the world.”<br />
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As my worries and thoughts and stresses crept up I started to get frustrated. I felt the feelings of despair creep from behind the curtain. The thoughts that can easily drag me into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. I tried to focus on my son: his sweet chubby hands palming at the grass. His cute marble eyes squinting when they flipped upwards. His "hair feathers" blowing in the wind. I let myself feel proud for letting him eat a leaf but not a cigarette butt. I watched him pull himself to standing and then start let go: he is figuring out how to walk! I felt that rush of joy only a parent knows in seeing your child accomplish something new. He was standing! I called out: You're standing! You're standing! You're learning to walk! We exchanged proud smiles and then as quickly as it began it was over. He plopped down and started crawling again. But while my son seemed to instantly find satisfaction and distraction in eating leaves I grew frustrated: why can't I feel that joy all the time, whenever I just look at him? Why does it take so much work to <i>feel</i> like I'm loving him? <br />
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And then my years of training myself to dispute my own thoughts kicked in: <i>because if you felt this way all the time you wouldn't appreciate it, it's a gift more than an accomplishment. Don't get frustrated with yourself, look how far you've come</i>. And it's true: learning to manage my perfectionism has meant developing the ability to walk a mental tightrope: if I do too little with my time, I feel worthlessness. Too much and I'm overwhelmed. I'm doing better to walk by faith, and not by fear. I continued to cajole myself: <i>Do your best to relax, soak in the sun</i>.<br />
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I moved over to the other side of my baby so that I could face that great fiery ball in the sky. I lifted my face and closed my eyes to it's warmth and power, another strategy I've developed over the years to help me cope with life. <i>Face the Sun</i>, I repeated to myself. <i>Face the Son</i>. Vitamin D and Jesus.<br />
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I thought about the Sun and the Son. The Sun is fiery <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLkGSV9WDMA" target="_blank">miasma of incandescent plasma</a> with the power to kill us all if the atmosphere gets too thin. They both give light and life to the whole world. The Savior was perfect and complete, our redeemer and exemplar. I'm fairly certain he was filled with a deep passion (THE passion) we can't even begin to fathom (although I don't think His rampage in the temple is quite the excuse for righteous indignation I've heard people cite too often). He is the only person for whom we can honestly say, "He has done no wrong." His sacrifice for me is pretty much the only reason I am able to get up and out of bed in the morning. His is the only hope I have for any happiness in my life.<br />
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<i>"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly"</i> (John 10:10)<br />
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I too have this fire in me I can't seem to squelch. Attempts to do so have led me easily and quickly to a melt-down and an inevitable "bad day." On good days I figure I'm not supposed to root this out of my being--that it was given to me for a reason and I should use it for good. I'm learning to embrace my perfectionism and channel it for betterment. Over the years and through many, many experiences of trial and error I've gotten better at honing that fire into a blow torch full of utility rather than the destructive potential of a forest fire. I'm slowly getting better. I hope someday I can feel like it's not <i>so</i> much work to be happy, especially since I've been blessed with a truly fantastic life. The guilt that so many in the world do not have the blessings and resources that I do is part of that daily, crushing burden.<br />
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Back at the park, I scoop up my son and wrap him in my arms. As we turn to head back home and face the rest of the day I look up one final time. Soaking up the last drops of optimism I can glean from it's rays, I think to myself: <i>Yes, I am learning to walk too</i>.<br />
<br />Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-18703894402014920802014-01-14T06:31:00.002-08:002014-03-28T13:14:54.242-07:00Dear Struggling MissionaryTo anyone who has ever winced when hearing the words "The Best 2 Years."<br />
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Recently I was talking with a woman at Church about her son who is serving a stateside LDS mission. He has been struggling and she explained a bit exasperatedly how "no one ever tells them how hard it really is!" After I commiserated and described briefly some of the struggles on my own mission she asked if I wouldn't mind writing to him. I agreed and later realized that other missionaries, returned missionaries, or friends or parents of either might benefit from my words and decided to turn it into a blog post. It has taken 5 years to finally come to full and complete peace about my mission experience. As I've leaned on the Savior I've been able to stumble onward, contemplating his great sacrifice and using my experience to help others along the way. I can testify of the words of <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder Holland</a>: "It is only an appreciation of this divine love that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive." It is only since he gave that talk have I felt comfortable talking about my mission publicly.<br />
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Dear Struggling Missionary,<br />
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Mormon missions are seen as a seminal moment between youth and adulthood--a transition and a rite of passage, and rightly so. The rigors of a mission alone can incur the phrase "they leave boys and they come home men." But not all missions go as expected, and this can be an added burden to an already intense experience. So, to those who may be struggling or did struggle, it is to you--my comrades in the gospel--that I address my remarks.<br />
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I know what you're thinking: How did I get here? What is wrong with me? How did this happen?<br />
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Nothing is wrong with you. You are right where you are supposed to be, but I'll try to explain a bit how it happened. I'll begin with a brief history of Missionary Work.<br />
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Once upon a time there was no missionary work as we now call it. There was a time where there were no missionary badges, or ties, or skirts, or white handbooks. God spoke to Prophets and they spoke to their families and that was about it. The Priesthood was passed down through bloodlines from Father to Son through the <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/aaronic-priesthood?lang=eng" target="_blank">Levitical order</a>. Fun fact: apparently this is still going on if you are a Jew and your last name happens to be Cohen. Don't ask me any more on that, that's all I know. I assume this is a big reason why it was important to marry in the covenant (see Deuteronomy 7:1-6). Eventually you could be adopted into the House of Israel and the Priesthood was passed down through the laying on of hands, to be "called of God, as was Aaron" (see Hebrews 5:4). About the same time, Peter (the Prophet at the time) and the Apostles were commanded by Jesus to "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost” (Matthew 28:18-19). Missionary work had begun. <br />
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First stop: the Gentiles. That was a major change from the way things had been done--the Jews were the chosen people, remember? But kind of important if God is supposed to love ALL of his children and Jesus is a big part of that love (see John 3:16). Luckily <a href="http://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/peters-revelation-to-take-the-gospel-to-the-gentiles?lang=eng" target="_blank">Peter got the message</a> about going to the Gentiles and then things started to pick up, spreading the gospel to the surrounding regions. <br />
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At first it was just some guys in robes and sandals, repeating what Jesus had said and collecting followers along the way. This created lots of little congregations all over the place who sometimes had their own ideas about how things should be run, hence why we have the 2nd half of the New Testament (mostly Paul writing to them trying to keep things in order). Eventually things kinda fell apart (don't worry, it was prophesied--see Isaiah 24:5, Amos 8:11-12, Matthew 24:4-14, Acts 20:28-30, 2 Timothy 3:1-5, 14-15; 4:3-4) and the Apostles were all killed and the Priesthood was lost to the earth for a time. <br />
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Don't worry, this had happened before, that's why we have lots of different religions--without a Prophet, people start interpreting scripture in their own way...kind of chaotic, I know. Nice people I'm sure but it's caused a lot of confusion over the years. If you're an LDS missionary I'm guessing you already understand this, just wanted to elaborate for anyone else listening in.<br />
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Skip ahead to Joseph Smith. New Prophet called. Priesthood restored through heavenly messengers. Missionary work back on! <br />
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The Lord starts sending out people alone or in pairs to go preach the gospel (see a bunch of sections in the Doctrine and Covenants). At first they don't take money or script and traveled on foot like the New Testament missionaries but that probably only worked for a bit until people stopped being so nice to missionaries and cars and airplanes were invented. 117,456 (just a guesstimate here) revelations of differing significance later we have straight laced young men (and now lots of women!) in white shirts and ties with name tags and MTCs and area books and a whole (mostly) well-oiled machine of streamlined missionary work. To study (or experience) the whole process is a fascinating endeavor.<br />
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Somewhere along the line (and this is not hard to figure out with most of the workforce being 19 year old hormonally charged boys living on their own for possibly the first time) there came mission rules. Mission rules (aka "The White Handbook") are a product of <a href="https://www.lds.org/manual/church-history-in-the-fulness-of-times-student-manual/chapter-forty-three-an-era-of-correlation-and-consolidation?lang=eng" target="_blank">Correlation</a>--a period in the Church's history when things were organized in a business-like fashion so that it was ACTUALLY possible to bring the gospel to the ENTIRE world. It's a big job and the best framework we had available was multi-national corporations. God works with what he has: people--us bumbling mortals, this is not new. Revelation is a complex process so out of any decision we can usually see how things are both divinely inspired but also based on man-made constructs. Inspiration is based on information, we believe in things being organized from previous matter--not something from nothing. This has no bearing on the divinity of the work.<br />
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Anyway, an unfortunate by-product of this is that there has to be a TON of rules. There are rules that govern and dictate pretty much every aspect of your existence as a missionary. This can get a wee bit stifling. You have virtually no coping mechanisms available except the scriptures--which can sometimes be a good thing, but personally (and what I understand about agency) I think it's not the best way. Right now our missionary program is sub-optimal. As Elder Tom Perry iterated in the special conference, "Hastening the Work" that up until now we have been working hard, but now we need to work <i>smart</i>. To me, this means the physical, spiritual, emotional and mental well being of our missionary work force. To continue, an unfortunate by-product of so many rules and a culture which HEAVILY encourages obedience to said rules is sort of a Pre-New Testament existence. Missions can very easily operate in a Mosaic law sort of sphere. <br />
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The Mosaic law or "lower law" was what the Lord had to give to the children of Israel in order to prepare them for Christ's coming. He wanted to give the higher law (see Exodus 32:19-20) but we just weren't ready for it. Humans were barely ready for it when Christ came--a big reason they killed Jesus is because they didn't like what he was saying. Anyway, the religious world up until the meridian of time was operating under this complex structure of rules and hierarchies that created a lot of different sects within Judaism--the Pharisees, the Sadducees, etc. They had interpreted the words of the prophets in different ways and felt very strongly about what they had read. The Pharisees were the ones that believed in being saved by the law--they had LOTS of rules: rules for sabbath day observance, rules for what you could and couldn't eat, rules for dealing with sinners. Jesus came and spoke and taught and didn't seem to care what they thought about those rules. He was a man of perfect principle. <br />
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This upset the Jews because they were very proud of how good they were at following the rules. They were harsh on those that didn't seem to keep up with their righteousness, they could be cruel to them who didn't fit in with their way of thinking. This can very, very easily happen on a mission.<br />
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When you leave on your mission EVERYONE has advice which they heap down on you in glorious abundance. It can be overwhelming but generally people mean well. One of my friends though, all she said was "don't judge your trainer." She said it several times. "Don't judge your trainer." For some reason it stuck with me. <br />
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When I got out into the field I had a wonderful trainer whom I adored. We were both artists and we bonded quickly, serving in a collection of small farm towns in Illinois. She showed me the ropes: we knocked on doors, we planned every night, we called people, we taught lessons and asked people to keep commitments. I was working hard and doing missionary work and <i>loving</i> it. My trainer however had been out seven months and would sometimes get stomach aches. We would have to stop our work and come home so she could rest. This was hard.<br />
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I was a new greenie, an exuberant missionary who was a ball of impetuous energy with the most exciting message in the world to tell. I was on "fire" as they say. And we had to come home? And do nothing? I was patient but I struggled. Every time I wanted to get frustrated with my trainer, whose stomach aches sometimes came at convenient times or they would magically clear up when something interesting was happening, I would remember the words of my friend: "Don't judge your trainer." Even when we went to the Doctor and her tests would come back inconclusive on suggested maladies I decided out of sheer will to give her the benefit of the doubt. To this day I never regret my decision--and I still choose to believe her (note: missions are <i>hard</i>, your body breaks down and there's not much room for rejuvenation, it happens). The work never seemed to suffer and our companionship thrived in unity. The words of Doctrine and Covenants 3:3 ring true: "Remember, remember that it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but the work of men."<br />
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Fast forward several months and my mission reality as compared to the expectations I had when I came out were of vast difference and painted two, very different, pictures.<br />
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My expectation was filled with the stories of missionaries who had gone before: great spiritual strength and triumph, intense bonding with companions over helping the people of your mission (who you loved with all your heart) as they come to know their Savior more. Wonderful testimony building and faith promoting and friendship making of the highest quality and caliber--stories to fill a lifetime. I imagined coming home a better, stronger, more faithful, more graceful, and of course more marriageable me. Going on my mission was an act of great sacrifice for me in all aspects and I had faith that the blessings would far outweigh the things I had to give up. I was subverting my will for the will of the Lord and I humbly expected that great things would come of it, as they had in times before. They have (oh boy they have), but not in the way I expected. <br />
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The only trials I expected as a missionary were those of tough companions (every one has a story of a hard companion), moments of defeat when an investigator doesn't keep their commitments, and the rigors of mission life: strange food, homesickness, and hard work. I had had some bouts of insomnia and a single case of depression before I left but both I felt had been cleared up and had faith that the Lord would carry me through if things turned out otherwise.<br />
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The first few months of my mission fit this script and nothing got me down. I forged onward, I made errors along the way, but my missionary heart burned with a fervor I had never felt in my life. I was willing to spread the gospel as much as possible, without regard to other people (truly a mistake), come hell or high water. Well, hell and high water did come and I have learned, to say the least, a lot.<br />
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About halfway through my mission the picture my mission reality painted was thus: I was a tired, stressed out, maxed out, sick, over weight and depressed missionary. For all intents and purposes I should have gone home. I had major insomnia problems (I would go DAYS without sleeping), I was on medication and seeing a counselor for severe seasonal depression, and my diet was all out of sorts since historically the mid-west is not known for it's healthy eating habits and I was at the mercy of members for meals. I never felt "on top of things" with P-day being the only day available to take care of personal matters, and there were little to no coping mechanisms available: I couldn't call my mom, I couldn't go to the movies, I couldn't read a book or watch TV or even go for a run or a walk by myself just to clear my head. I understood why all these rules were in place and I respected them and had I not been a missionary there wouldn't be issue, but as they say I was "not in Kansas anymore." I was a missionary and I wanted ever so badly to be a good one. <br />
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Also, within a 2 week period at around the middle of my mission I had four, you could even say a series of, unfortunate events happen. I found out in a most shocking and unexpected way during an interview that my mission president thought I was being rebellious during the entire first half of my mission, citing things I had said or done completely out of context or had not even happened. My dear companion (it seems the only thing that didn't go wrong on my mission was thankfully, the quality of my companions) was being transferred. I had been suffering from and attempting to treat maladies for the past 8 months on an embarrassing part of my body which now required surgery. And my most dear investigator, a sweet and sincere older woman who lived alone and also suffered from depression, had committed suicide. I was devastated to say the least. Oh and the family threatened to blame us legally since we were the only ones visiting her on a regular basis and talked to her about her deceased husband, whom she missed greatly. Thankfully, no charges were filed.<br />
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To make matters worse I was in a mission that suffered from serious issues with gossip. To this day (despite many hours worth of rumination) I have wondered where it started, where it went wrong, and what I could have done to prevent it--but I somehow got a reputation for being a "bad missionary." A rebel, an apostate, a rule-breaker. Now to be clear, I am most definitely a free spirit, but I am no rebel. This girl is and has always been "a teacher's pet" even and often to a fault. I never skipped curfew or snuck out or broke rules. I got good grades and read books and went to summer school to get ahead. I was "a good girl" as they say. So to be branded as anything else was a completely new experience and one that I was completely unprepared for, especially within my dear community of Mormonism. And to illustrate the extent of this branding I once overheard a Stake leader visiting our ward say to his counselor: "She doesn't <i>look</i> like a troublemaker." <br />
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The thing about people having a certain idea about you is that even if you try to correct it, it will only affirm what they have already decided. The more I tried to correct people's assumptions about me the more it was seen as a defensive strategy. It was frustrating and hard to say the least and to this day I have to work very hard at not caring what I think others are thinking about me and use the Spirit and people I trust as my metric for life. Throughout the ordeal and the five years after I returned from my mission I've had to fight the feelings of bitterness and resentment that can come through painful experiences where people did not act the way they should have (myself included). I fight those feelings no more. I don't know if it's that I've slowly and finally gained perspective or that I'm just better equipped to only care what God thinks of my actions. Regardless, I feel that now my job is to use my experience to help other's who may have struggled or are currently struggling within my community.<br />
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In the midst of my struggles I turned to the scriptures since that's where I had been taught (and was teaching others) to find answers. I was searching for knowledge on how to be a more obedient (and by mission logic a more effective) missionary. I went to the New Testament since we are raised with the understanding that part of Christ's mission was to be our greatest exemplar in a addition to His Atoning sacrifice. What I found was unexpected but not unsurprising: Jesus was a rebel. He was completely obedient to the Godhood (Luke 2:49 and John 5:19) but didn't give a lick if anyone thought he was somehow acting contrary. <br />
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The mosaic law was meant as a way to point people towards the Savior, simply because it was impossible to follow all the commandments all the time. Mission rules, I argue, should be viewed the same way. They should be seen as important to follow, but as much as they are preached to be followed, we should always add important messages about the Atonement. As Paul said: "for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life" (2 Corinthians 3:6). <br />
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During those dark hours at the meridian of my mission I was humbled enough to get a blessing from one of my Zone Leaders. A blessing is a Mormon practice where a Priesthood holder lays his hands on your head and speaks words of inspiration from God. They can be faith filled experiences where the man pronouncing the blessing says things that are only known to you and God or a healing miracle is performed. I have had many spiritual experiences with blessings. In that blessing I needed to know from God if I was supposed to go home, if these trials beyond the normal rigors of missionary work were meant to humble me into another path God had for me, if it was simply my pride that was keeping me on my mission. I don't remember the exact words of the blessing but in it He said that I was to stay on my mission. I knew in my heart it was true.<br />
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Somehow, and I am convinced it was only in and through the grace of God, I was able to continue working as a missionary--doing my personal and companion studies, getting out the door, knocking on the doors of others, planning and teaching lessons, counting numbers, and strengthening the members. I don't think a single day of the rest of my mission I looked or acted like a tip-top missionary and a single moment when I didn't feel like I was living up to my potential, but I kept working. Did I always (or ever) actually get up at 6:30am and do my exercises and get ready on time to do my studies at the appointed time? No. But I kept working. Did I spend all day teaching a ton of well-planned, well-executed lessons and share testimony whenever possible? No. But I kept working. Was I rewarded with lots of baptisms? No. But I kept working. Did I come to truly love the people of my mission? Mostly, but not perfectly. But despite my shortcomings and regardless of wanting dearly to be doing anything other than traditional missionary work in that whole 2nd half of my mission, I kept working. Was everything fine and dandy when I got home and blessings were instantly rained down upon my head? No. But I kept working. Did I get married and live happily ever after within 6 months of getting home? No. But I kept working. I am still working.<br />
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Now you may ask yourself, especially if you're not a Mormon or person of conviction, why I decided to believe that blessing. It is because I truly and sincerely know the Church is true. I know Joseph Smith was and is a Prophet of God. I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is being lead by Jesus Christ. It is His Church on the earth today. The Bible and the Book of Mormon are the word of God. I know God loves all of His children. I know the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement have the ability to change lives. These are non-negotiables in my book. And whenever I have sided with my testimony, or the things I know to be true, things have always worked out for the better. Always.<br />
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I shared briefly the travails of my mission simply to let you know that as much as I know the Church is true, I know that missions are hard. I also know that missions are harder for those who are struggling. And I know that missions are even harder still for those who are struggling who many people believe are struggling because of disobedience or unfaithfulness on their part. And since I know this, to all who may do anything to hinder the work of a missionary, whether member or missionary or otherwise, I say with all the love of <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder Uchtdorf</a>: "Stop it."<br />
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We need to trust that our missionaries are doing the best they can. We need to all help keep mission rules (and I would add commandments) in proper perspective. And perhaps most importantly, we need to trust that Missionaries need the Atonement as much as the rest of us. May the work continue forward and fill the whole earth, every nook and cranny of as many hearts willing to listen to our message.<br />
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God speed Elders and Sisters.<br />
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Sincerely,<br />
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Sister Knobloch<br />
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Here are some suggestions if you or someone you know is struggling on a mission or if you just want to be a better missionary or missionary helper yourself.<br />
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- Acknowledge the pain and the hardship. Don't swipe it away or see them (or yourself) as weak. This situation leads easily to despair and doubt about abilities. And please don't say "forget yourself and go to work" unless you know the <i>entire</i> story behind that quote and the letter it came from. It is a much more encouraging tale than simply the above statement. Just because I'm at peace about my mission experience, does not mean I do not still bear physical and emotional scars from the experience. Someone trying to trivialize my experience does not make those scars easier to bear.<br />
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- Missionaries--make sure you really are doing the best you can (and seek feedback from the Lord) and try to be patient with those who are helping you. Listen and obey the Spirit. Pace yourself, you're running a marathon not sprinting a lap. An 18-24 month marathon with no vacation or holidays.<br />
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- Forgive, forgive, forgive. In my missionary scriptures I had written in one of the beginning blank pages the phrase: "Should I not spare Ninevah?" This comes from the story of Jonah and the Whale. We all hear about the whale part of the story but that's it. Jonah is a powerful story about repentance and forgiveness. As a struggling missionary you may feel like Jonah--a young person sent on a mission by God to preach repentance and God's message. At any time your investigators or the members or other missionaries may seem to (or actually) be thwarting you in that effort. Jonah was sent to preach to the people of Ninevah but the people are wicked and refuse to listen. He runs away, has the ordeal with the whale, and then is humbled but doesn't completely repent: he doesn't want to forgive and preach to the people of Ninevah. The people had repented and were ready to listen but Jonah was angry and bitter and didn't want to continue on his journey. In the 4th chapter of Jonah, the young prophet is sitting angrily on a hill overlooking the city, waiting and expecting God to destroy it--perhaps in some epic Noah-like fashion. When the Lord refuses to comply, Jonah is angry with God. The Lord then uses a gourd to illustrate his love to Jonah for all his creations and then with the what I imagine the love only a (heavenly) father could muster, God says "And should I not spare Ninevah?" (Jonah 4:11). That phrase helped me remember that just as I hoped to receive forgiveness of my mistakes as a missionary and as a human, I needed to grant that to everyone else I came in contact with. At times this was, and still is, a difficult endeavor--but it is well worth it.<br />
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- Companions and fellow missionaries. Be patient and have faith that the Lord's work will not be stopped. I came out expecting to have hard companions and ended up <i>being</i> the hard companion. No one wants to be a burden. Listen closely and remember ALL the words of that great missionary section, Doctrine and Covenants 4: "And faith, hope, <i>charity and love</i>, with an eye single to the glory of God, <i>qualify him for the work</i>. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, <i>patience</i>, <i>brotherly kindness</i>, godliness, <i>charity</i>, <i>humility</i>, diligence." (Verses 5 and 6). Do your best darndest not to judge, I promise you won't regret it. <br />
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- A return to principle based missionary work. Joseph Smith, when asked why his followers were so obedient said: "I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves." If we don't start allowing our missionaries more freedom to govern themselves they won't learn self mastery on the mission or in the hereafter. They will struggle, they will falter but we must let them work it out. I'm happy to say that the <a href="https://www.lds.org/youth?lang=eng" target="_blank">New Youth Program</a> does a better job of teaching empowerment and accountability than the one I was raised in. Our missionary program needs to be revamped to teach this as well.<br />
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- Keep working (even if and when you go home). I echo <a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/03/missionary-work-and-the-atonement?lang=eng">Elder Holland's</a> words: "Anyone who does any kind of missionary work will have occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why doesn’t it go better? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why aren’t there more people joining the Church? It is the truth. We believe in angels. We trust in miracles. Why don’t people just flock to the font? Why isn’t the only risk in missionary work that of pneumonia from being soaking wet all day and all night in the baptismal font? You will have occasion to ask those questions. I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy <i>because salvation is not a cheap experience</i>."<br />
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- Non Mormons: You don't have to listen to their message, but please be nice to missionaries. They are out in the world doing something they believe in and at best deserve respect and kindness. At worst they deserve being politely ignored. I would suggest though if you are looking for more spirituality in life, give listening to <a href="http://mormon.org/" target="_blank">the message and the missionaries</a> a try...it might just change your life.<br />
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- Members: it is not your job to make sure the missionaries are doing their job. It is your job to be a missionary yourself. If you have time to see how missionaries are less than stellar than you are obviously lacking faith and failing at missionary work yourself. I am still so grateful to many members on my mission who were patient, charitable, and kind to me.<br />
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- Familiarize yourself with <a href="http://www.heraldextra.com/news/opinion/utah-valley/the-purple-heart-rm-project/article_e7c4ff1a-7b6e-5586-8767-4d6d0693f2b4.html" target="_blank">The Purple Heart RMs</a> project. It is a much needed project on awareness of struggling missionaries. Even though I didn't come home early, I participated in the initial survey because my experiences qualified me and I believed I had something to offer.<br />
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- Leaders: Do a better job of preparing missionaries by encouraging members to share ALL the experiences of their missions, not just the funny or faith-promoting. I remember clinging to the half-hinted words and strings of somethings from returned missionaries who dared to mention just how hard the work is so that I could tell myself it wasn't just me. I do my best to share what I feel would help, even if it's gruesome or could be heard as critical and will usually add sincerely my testimony: "but I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I'm home but I am still glad I served a mission."<br />
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- Mission Presidents: If a missionary is truly struggling, even if it looks like outright rebellion, there is probably an underlying reason. The more I study about sin the more I see that sinfulness is more about the intents of the heart than anything else. Perceived (or actual) sinfulness, I argue, is often a symptom of something else. Identify and address the symptom (even if it is actually transgression) and you will likely resolve the struggle or rebellion. In <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1986/10/little-children?lang=eng">Elder Packer's</a> words: "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."<br />
<br />Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-12560873166157919142013-12-25T10:13:00.000-08:002014-02-17T14:13:02.623-08:00Merry Christmas from our Family to yours!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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and may your holidays be extremely moderate.</div>
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(Isn't my family the best for letting me play dress up on them?)</div>
<br />Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-43944728099856522172013-12-24T09:31:00.001-08:002013-12-31T14:54:28.814-08:00What Should We Call Truth<div>
By Megan Knobloch Geilman<br />
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<i>[Editor's note: This essay was originally posted on December 24, 2013 with the status: Merry Christmas Eve! A post on truth, specifically eternal truth. Even though I quote Judeo/Christian/Mormon scripture, I tried to write this essay so that anyone could read and appreciate it. Heck, even my atheist friends are really open minded. I also get a little existential, but (hopefully) in an accessible way.]</i><br />
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In an age when there is incessant arguing over who is right and what is right—What if we all started asking: what is <i>true</i>? </div>
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What is truth?<br />
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Truth is that indisputable "knowing" that something is. That this particular nugget has always existed as truth and that it's particular "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truthiness">truthiness</a>" will always be, no matter what conditions or circumstances change. Statements like "the sky is blue," "Life is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you're gonna get," and "God loves all his children" are easy for the majority of people to accept because they <i>feel</i> true. It resonates with us. Now I make jest with the lexicon above but I do believe truth exists, that it is real and that it will always be real. I have no doubt in my mind that there are facts of our existence and our place in the Universe and also that we can know this truth for ourselves. The Doctrine & Covenants states truth as such: "And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come" (D&C 93:24). Truth can be questioned, tested, and verified. Truth is still truth and has always existed as truth whether anyone believes it or not. <a href="https://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=1b6c723ffec20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=198bf4b13819d110VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD" target="_blank">Oh say, what is Truth</a>!—truth is reason, truth eternal—intelligence, glory, light, and knowledge. Truth to me, is all that God knows and is—the characteristics, experiences, knowledge, and actions that make up this great divine being we call God. In short, because I believe that God exists, I believe that truth exists. And since I believe that God speaks to His children, I believe that we can know truth. Line upon line, precept upon precept we can know truth for ourselves and that knowing truth will ultimately benefit us and make our lives better, our experiences more joyful and happy, our families more peaceful and safe, and our world a better place. <br />
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So where does Truth come from?<br />
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Since the beginning of time God has inspired people with truth. Religion, science, philosophy, the arts—these are all disciplines that search for truth and in turn receive knowledge through inquiry, reason, even faith and prayer. Some of the people God speaks to are Prophets who write some of the truth they receive down as scripture. But God doesn't only speak to Prophets: all great writers, historians, musicians, artists, scientists and other creative types have been inspired. Handel's experiences in writing "The Messiah" were described akin to a series of <a href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/George_Frideric_Handel">spiritual manifestations</a>. Max Planck, German physicist who worked on quantum theory relates "It was not by accident that the greatest thinkers of all ages were deeply religious souls." God speaks to all of His children, regardless of time and space, in relation to how much truth they want to know and are willing to seek, and search, and find.<br />
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This particular fact has kept me deeply rooted in Mormonism ever since my youth, as Joseph Smith <a href="http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=86d720596a845110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=da135f74db46c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD">stated</a>: "The first and fundamental principle of our holy religion is, that we believe that we have a right to embrace all, and every item of truth, without limitation or without being circumscribed or prohibited by the creeds or superstitious notions of men, or by the dominations of one another, when that truth is clearly demonstrated to our minds, and we have the highest degree of evidence of the same." Truth is everywhere, in everyone, in everything to varying degrees of "truthfulness." Seeing truth in spectrum isn't fun for those black and white type thinkers—but I find comfort in the fact that when you look at gray close enough, it's just a lot of little black and white dots. There is always truth, you sometimes just have to dig deeper to find it. This requires patience, long suffering, and above all humility that we may not always have all the answers.<br />
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Why should we bother knowing Truth?<br />
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As we grow in learning and knowledge we inevitably come in contact with new facts or truths that sometimes seem at odds with what we already know. I think that truth—eternal truth and the laws that actually govern truth don't change. Sometimes, however, our understanding or the "truthfulness" of the law has to grow to accommodate new truths. Remember how the law of gravity is supposed to be this all-encompassing universal law that applies no matter where we are in the universe...well, turns out that gravity might sort of possibly cease to function on a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_gravity" target="_blank">sub-atomic level</a>. Lots of hardworking <a href="http://home.web.cern.ch/about/physics/standard-model" target="_blank">scientists</a> are currently in the process of figuring that out. We once thought the Sun revolved around the Earth. Before that the Earth was flat. New learning means possibly revising what we knew to be true. This does not mean that truth changes or isn't important, simply our understanding and/or application of it does. It isn't that gravity ceases to exist, or didn't exist before, or is suddenly trivial, it just might be more complex then we previously understood. The sky isn't literally blue—particles in the earth's atmosphere reflect blue light—but the statement "the sky is blue" is still true, we just understand it in a more complex way. Even so, we want things to be more stable than this, so generally learning new things causes us unrest, and as human beings we dislike unrest.</div>
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This is why when we are presented with some fact or nugget that could contradict our previously known body of truth we pull back. We are uncomfortable, we want it to go away. Sometimes we decide we can only handle what truth we already hold and we unconsciously put a cap on how much truth we are willing to accept from God: there are scientists who still balk at the idea of a divine being and there are religious people who still don't accept the possibility of the Big Bang Theory or of Evolution. Since we're most comfortable with truth we already accept, we like to surround ourselves with people who share the same beliefs. Sociologists call this your "tribe." Marketers call it a "demographic." Some tribes I associate with are: White, Woman, Late twenty-something, Millennial, Mormon, Feminist, Married, Stay-at-Home, Mom, Heterosexual, Artist. But we should always be willing to challenge our beliefs since truth will always stand up to scrutiny. Truth, like cream, always rises to the top. With the internet and social media we have the perception that we can easily have our beliefs tested, however since our interaction with the internet is guided by algorithm, we can easily get stuck in a "<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/eli_pariser_beware_online_filter_bubbles.html" target="_blank">filter bubble</a>" and not be exposed to different ideas. We <i>still </i>have to go out of our way to get a different perspective.<br />
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For anyone that has ever learned something new that brought them peace or climactic understanding they will tell you that knowing truth <i>is</i> worth it. That light bulb moment when inspiration hits and things suddenly make sense, the puzzle pieces fit together, one sees above the fray, the forest through the trees. There is no feeling quite like it. Even still, after we commit to new knowledge, we can still sometimes struggle, falter, and fall. In the New Testament, Paul urged those recently baptized Jews: "Cast not away therefore thy confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. For ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God ye might receive the reward" (Hebrews 10:35-36). Seeking for truth is hard, it takes patience and it's not a one time event—but it is so, so worth it.<br />
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Presentation of new knowledge creates conflict, and while contention is of the devil (3 Nephi 11:29), conflict is essential to our progression. All conflict is the result of a failure to communicate, whether between ourselves and God, with each other, or within ourselves. Perfect communication would result in perfect harmony, but anyone that has argued law knows that even our best words can fail us. However without conflict, there is no resolution. A fundamental characteristic of our time in mortality is that we must experience "opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:27). Opposition creates conflict, but conflict (whether in this life or the next) ends in resolution. Resolution is peace, joy, love—all the "fruits" of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). In facing these conflict-resolution situations we move from one sphere of knowledge to the next, ascending and progressing until that day when we will "know the truth of all things" (Moroni 10:5, Moses 6:61).<br />
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God wants us to search for truth and knowledge and He wants us to have it. This exchange of us desiring knowledge and God granting it has been going on since the beginning of time—and as the human family progresses God is able to disseminate more and more truth at an exponentially faster pace. Early on in human history he had to speak to His children in separate locales and teach them the same things. Important inventions like the wheel and the light bulb were <a href="http://www.amazon.com/At-Home-Short-History-Private/dp/0767919394" target="_blank">simultaneously invented</a> at around the same time on different continents, much to the confusion and delight of scholars. Jesus Christ visits the people in Jerusalem as documented in the Bible as well as some of his "other sheep" (John 10:16) in the American continents as relayed in the Book of Mormon, teaches his doctrine and establishes his Church. As human history progresses, the interchange of knowledge among mankind has been able to happen at a higher speed in relation to the rate of the exchange. In conjunction, God has been able to give more and more light and knowledge as we engage in this cycle of inquiry, exchange, questioning, seeking and finding. After the Gutenberg press was invented and books were able to be printed for the first time en masse, huge leaps in humanity were made in <a href="http://www.preservearticles.com/2011090713162/what-are-the-important-causes-for-the-beginning-of-renaissance-in-europe.html" target="_blank">all disciplines</a>. With the advent of technology and the internet, information can be created and disseminated more quickly than ever before in human history. Little old, stay-at-home mom, me can write a few words and post them to the internet, circumventing all systemic hierarchies, and know that it has been read by 300 people within an hour—this is has never happened before in the earth's history! Anyone and everyone has the ability to speak their truth and have it be heard publicly. But just because information can be passed quickly and efficiently doesn't necessarily mean its true—so how can we know?<br />
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How can we know Truth?<br />
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While I was an LDS missionary I became very interested in finding a sort of scientific approach to revelation—a clear method I could use in receiving insight from God and then teaching it to others. Over time I've had enough experiences to know certain ways that I know God is speaking to me or how to recognize Truth. Most of these will be familiar to Mormons but most anyone can use them to their own advantage in coming closer to divinity and having a more peaceful, happy existence.<br />
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1) Obedience. Specifically obedience to laws you already know. The universe is governed by laws—laws like gravity that if you follow them you will be blessed (not falling down unnecessarily) and if you break them, or attempt to break them you can potentially face discomfort or even disaster (falling from great heights). There are universal laws that govern everything: laws for health (if I eat healthy I will feel better, if I eat poorly I will get sick), laws for money (if I spend more than I earn I will be in debt), laws for education (if I study hard I will learn some things). There are also laws governing the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton's_laws_of_motion" target="_blank">dynamics of movement</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_contract" target="_blank">social behavior</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction" target="_blank">thought</a>, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_ratio" target="_blank">beauty</a>. Nobody on earth knows all the laws all at once—even Jesus had to "increase in wisdom and stature" (Luke 2:52) and ascend "grace for grace" (D&C 93:12). A lot of laws are spelled out in commandments written in the scriptures that make up the social codes of religion. Laws, like all truth, exist eternally—they are not so much created as they are discovered. You can call these principles or guidelines but the point is, when you follow them things get better and when you break them, things don't go so well. <br />
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The <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/130.20-21?lang=eng#19">Doctrine & Covenants</a> states: "There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated" All these laws have blessings attached to them that God wants to give to us. This is why people who follow certain commandments will testify of the blessings of them. If you ever find yourself envious of another's success whether in personal relationships, prosperity, or health--instead of allowing contention within yourself, try to identify what laws they might be being obedient to. Trying to mimic someones actions verbatim to receive the same results will end in frustration, for there is infinite variety within the law. Since I believe all these laws have something to do with Ultimate Truth (God), I believe if we do our best at following the laws we already know we can gain access to knowledge of more laws—like steps rising a staircase, and in consequence more truth. We don't know all the laws but I believe we can learn more by having good stewardship and doing our best to follow the ones we do know. </div>
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2) Study. We have to do our part. We have to show God that we want to know more. In the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord declares: "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (88:118). A lot of people think that "if God wants me to know something He will tell me"—and I think this can happen in cases where God needs you to know something immediately, like in cases of danger and the faith promoting stories that come with that. But for the most part, I think God wants us to do some searching and pondering and seeking and knocking. "Ask and ye shall receive" He says time and time again, "Knock, and it shall be opened unto you" (John 16:24, Matthew 7:7, Matthew 21:22, James 1:5, Enos 1:5, 3 Nephi 14:7, 3 Nephi 27, 29, D&C 88:63, D&C 4:7, D&C 49:26, D&C 103:31, D&C 66:9, D&C 75:27, D&C 6:5, D&C 12:5, D&C 14:5, D&C 11:5). We need to do our part to show God we care about obtaining truth.</div>
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In the Doctrine and Covenants, God chastises Oliver Cowdery: "Behold you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right..." (D&C 9:7-8). We shouldn't be afraid of new knowledge from God and we shouldn't be afraid to ask for it, "for God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). Humbly, we should always be learning, always be studying, always be acquiring new knowledge and educating ourselves. And when something doesn't fit, we don't need to throw it away. <br />
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I have a shelf in my mind labeled "Don't have all the answers yet" where I put things that don't quite jive at the moment. As the years go by I'm able to take things on and off the shelf as I learn and grow, having faith that someday the shelf will be empty. In a beautiful sermon entitled "<a href="http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/print/ces-devotionals/2013/01/what-is-truth?lang=eng">What is Truth</a>," Elder Uchtdorf addresses this topic more succinctly then I ever could. After stating our obligation to seek after truth, he concludes with: "My young friends, as you accept the responsibility to seek after truth with an open mind and a humble heart, you will become more tolerant of others, more open to listen, more prepared to understand, more inclined to build up instead of tearing down, and more willing to go where the Lord wants you to go."<br />
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We need to obey whether or not it is something of great consequence. From Namaan's faithful servant we are often reminded: "if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it?" (2 Kings 5:13). Sometimes we forget that when the Lord asks us to "lose (our) life for (his) sake" it is both the willingness to lay down our life and die for His cause, but also to give up the daily agenda of day-to-day living for God and follow whatever plan He has for us. Obedience is a two-edged sword. </div>
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3) Prayer. Prayer is at worst a grocery list of needs from us to God and at best a conversation where we speak and then listen and then obey. The Bible Dictionary states prayer as such: "Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them." If we can trust that God loves us (John 3:16, 1 Nephi 11:17) then we can trust that whatever He commands us to do will be for our ultimate benefit and happiness. Mormon missionaries the world over share time and time again "Moroni's promise" in the Book of Mormon, that if we ask with a "sincere heart" and with "real intent" (meaning we will follow through with the answer we are given) that we may know "the truth of all things"(Moroni 10:3-5). When we ask a specific question to God we can receive specific answers. Again to Oliver Cowdery, the Lord continues: "...and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong..." (D&C 9:8-9). In the preceding revelation, the Lord coaxes Oliver: "Yeah, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost" (D&C 8:2-3). Mind and soul, head and heart. To quote <a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2000/03/cast-not-away-therefore-your-confidence?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder Holland</a> on these verses: "God will teach us in a reasonable way and in a revelatory way—mind and heart combined—by the Holy Ghost." We just need to pray, and ask, and listen, and obey...and then pay attention to the results.</div>
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4) Examining "the Fruits." I think this is the most important one but it can be the hardest to pin down. Every act as a before and after: an intention and a consequence. Intentions are never a good indicator of the fruits of something or someone. Villains always see themselves in the right—even Hitler thought he was doing the world a favor. Of course this is why I think it doesn't hurt to trust that people have good intentions...but obviously not everything everyone does is right or true. In the New Testament and Book of Mormon, Jesus uses the phrase "by their fruits ye shall know them" when warning His followers of false prophets (Matthew 7:20, 3 Nephi 14:20). But I think this can be applied when examining any possible falsehood in our lives. It can be complicated though—things that are bad for us often have immediate positive results or fruits. People wouldn't do drugs or drink alcohol or do a number of other things if it didn't have a close-range positive effect. It requires patience and stepping back and sometimes withholding judgment until we can truly see the fruits. Sometimes we don't have time to evaluate all the consequences of a particular action, which is why the Lord occasionally requires us to move forward with faith. And since we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ we <i>can</i> move forward on that faith, knowing that if we misjudged or faltered that His sacrifice can erase our sin, His pain can allow our joy (Isaiah 1:18, Alma 7:11). If we look at long term positive fruits we can often easily and quickly recognize the truth of any situation.<br />
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Mormons don't have the corner on truth—we just claim to have access to a continuation of it through a Prophet of God. This is the same claim Christians have when Christ restored his Church by calling twelve apostles and a Prophet (Peter) and Jews claim it through God restoring his Church through Moses. God has been doing this business of getting His truth out for a long time. So why doesn't He just give it to us all at once? I think because He wants us to remain humble and seeking and asking and knocking. If we knew everything all at once, we would neither appreciate or cherish or cultivate the knowledge He has already given us. In the parable of the talents, it didn't matter the amount of talents he gave to each servant, he just cared about the increase. To the servant who hid away the talent, citing fear, the Master rebukes "thou art a wicked and slothful servant" (Matthew 25:26). God wants us to continue to search and ask and seek after new knowledge!<br />
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What if we all decided to find truth instead of deciding or figuring out who is right and who is wrong. What if we were all truth-seekers instead of attempted truth definers? What if we collected or compiled this truth—what would it say? What would be in it? Is that what social media already is? If we all sought after truth in our respective disciplines (with that goal in mind) would God exponentially grace us with His wisdom from the Heavens? I suppose as we did this there would be plenty of truths that don't quite fit, but as I have sought to know God's truth for myself so much of it seems paradoxical from my own earthly perspective. To quote Forrest Gump at the end of that great movie (which I think is largely about redemption) when speaking to his sweetheart after her death:<br />
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<i>"Jennie...I don't know if Momma was right or if it's Lieutenant Dan...I don't know if we each have a destiny or if were all just floatin' around accidental like on a breeze...but I, I think...maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."</i><br />
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I have faith that there will be a time and a place when we will all know all the answers to all the questions, but I also have faith that it can be sooner then we think, if we give it a try.<br />
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<i>#whatshouldwecalltruth</i><br />
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Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-9447958490255121422013-12-10T11:12:00.000-08:002013-12-18T11:02:15.243-08:00The Straight and Narrow Path: How to Navigate Moral DilemmasThis Christmas season I would like to discuss moral dilemmas, my mission, and of course: Jesus.<br />
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But first, let's talk about commandments. Commandments are given through a prophet of God for general direction and large oversight of the body of the Church, but individual commandments are also given through personal revelation from God through reading the scriptures, inspiration, etc. Often these general commandments and our individual circumstances intersect, and occasionally the direction we receive with what we understand can cause a contradiction, resulting in a moral dilemma. A moral dilemma is when two commandments are presented and when following one, you will inevitably break the other. The first moral dilemma was presented in the garden: the Lord commanded Adam and Eve to both "multiply and replenish the earth"(Genesis 1:28) and also to not partake of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. From their understanding, they could not do both. As Lehi states: "And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin" (2 Nephi 2:22-23). <br />
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Other moral dilemmas in the scriptures include Nephi killing Laban (1 Nephi 4:10), Abraham lying about Sarai being his sister (Abraham 2:24), and Abraham's sacrifice of his son Isaac (Genesis 22:2). Sometimes moral dilemmas aren't having to choose between two commandments but between our personal moral obligations and long held social constructs: do I speak up to my boss about views I care about and risk my job or stay quiet? Do I do what's right for my family or focus on the needs of others? Do I call someone out or remain silent? The homeless man on the street--someone looking for help or a scammer trying to take honest people's money? No matter our stance on any matter of subjects, through family and work, learning and leisure, justice and mercy: we all face moral dilemmas all the time, every day.<br />
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A lesser known moral dilemma is the story of Ahaz in the Old Testament, whom God commanded to form an alliance of Judah to Assyria so as to foil the alliance between Syria and Ephraim, but Ahaz allies Judah with Assyria anyway, causing problems. More importantly, the Lord tells Ahaz to ask of Him a sign (Isaiah 7:10-11) but Ahaz refuses, saying "I will not ask, neither will I tempt the Lord" (Isaiah 7:12, 2 Nephi 17:12). Understandably, we are generally counseled in the scriptures to NOT to ask the Lord for signs--see Alma 30:43-50. But whether as mercy or judgement, the Lord gives him a sign anyway (Isaiah 7:14, 2 Nephi 17:14). <br />
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Ahaz is generally considered a wicked king by Bible scholars but how often are we told to do something by God and we refuse, citing other commandments as reason to not obey. We often cite the faith of Nephi: "I will go and do the things which the Lord commands, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them" as reason that we should be able to follow ANY commandment God gives us. Yet we all face our mortal follies and the fact that "all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). We cannot follow all of the commandments all the time and experience mortality. This is what <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Believing-Christ-Parable-Bicycle-Other/dp/0875796346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386278023&sr=8-1&keywords=Believing+Christ">Stephen Robison</a> calls "The Great Dilemma."<br />
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Elder Richard G. Scott this <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/personal-strength-through-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ">last conference</a> spoke about a moral dilemma a whole group of people faced in the Book of Mormon: "The people of Ammon were at a critical moment of their spiritual lives. They had been true to their covenant never to take up arms. But they understood that fathers are responsible to provide protection to their families. That need seemed great enough to merit consideration of breaking their covenant." The moral dilemma there is eventually solved by their faithful sons, the "Army of Helaman" taking up arms to defend the people but like Elder Scott laments, how those fathers "must have privately wept." Moral dilemmas can make us aware of ourselves: our broken pasts, the inner most intents of our heart, our secret desires, and our highest aspirations--which is why I think they are worth exploring on a personal and public level.<br />
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Now I think it's important that we DO draw lines in the sand in our behavior, whether religious or social--and if anyone is thinking God is telling them to kill someone a la Old Testament examples listed above, please contact your ecclesiastical leader immediately. I think these examples are powerful today though because sometimes breaking one long held commandment or construct to follow another can feel akin to bloodshed. Charles Darwin, raised a Christian, told a friend that writing his "Origin of Species" on evolutionary theory felt like "<a href="http://www.darwinproject.ac.uk/letter/entry-729">confessing to a murder</a>." Huck Finn <a href="http://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/lit/huckleberry-finn/chapter-31/page_3.html">struggles over</a> whether to turn in Old Jim and chooses Hell over Heaven. In short, moral dilemmas are hard. And with the increasing mass accountability provided by social media--they are not going away.<br />
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Because of the uncomfortableness of a moral dilemma, we often want to remove it and get on with our lives. We do this by either ignoring it completely ("I'm just gonna pretend that homeless man isn't there and maybe the whole issue of homelessness will disappear with it") or we pick a side and slowly let <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias" target="_blank">confirmation bias</a> set in. As uncomfortable as a moral dilemma is, I personally find <i>more</i> peace in trying to identify truth rather than ignoring it or picking sides. <br />
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In the New Testament, the Pharisees (those lovers of the law) often tried to catch Jesus in His words, using moral dilemmas to incite him. But Jesus, that perfect example, never faltered. This is why when often faced with a moral dilemma Christians will question themselves: "What would Jesus do?" When petitioned on a myriad of subjects and situations he would speak truth: "The sabbath is made for man" (Mark 2:27) he would reply. "Whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Rise up and walk?" he responded (Luke 5:23). "Love the Lord thy God" he confounded "This is the first and great commandment." And with the following charge to "love thy neighbor," He confidently ascribed "on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (Matthew 22:40). He knew the Old Testament in its truth better than they did and dictated with what I always imagined peaceful confidence, speaking "as one having authority, and not as the scribes" (Matthew 7:29). Understandably this drove the Jews nuts.<br />
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One of the my most powerful personal stories concerning moral dilemmas is from my LDS mission. While struggling with Depression and a mission president who didn't fully acknowledge <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel">mental illness</a> I sought council from the Lord what I should do, how I should strengthen myself and feel better so that I could do the work I knew He wanted me to do. I often received impressions and council which was very hard to follow since it occasionally conflicted with mission rules. For anyone who has never served a mission, mission rules are often treated like commandments, where obedience will bring blessings for you and your investigators, while breaking them will lead to sorrow and missed opportunities. Missionaries who are obedient are seen as exemplary while those who disobey or appear to do so are seen as "rebellious" or "apostate." Having to deal with depression and other health issues while trying to serve a mission was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Harder than high school, harder than Depression alone, harder than childbirth, harder than motherhood (so far). This may seem dramatic (or not dramatic depending on your life circumstances) but I care very much about the Lord's work and didn't want my personal struggles to interfere with it. I found great comfort in Doctrine and Covenants Section 3 and the Lord telling me to "remember that it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but the work of men." When I stopped worrying about mission rules and mission culture and started listening to the Lord more, my mission slowly improved and I was able to finish, broken but strong.<br />
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One day while struggling I was praying and felt strongly that I needed to talk to my Dad. Calling home for missionaries only happens twice a year on Christmas and Mother's Day so as not to distract from the work. Other exceptions are made for sincere personal needs like health or schooling but it's only by approval and my Mission President was already weary with all the "permissions" I had been asking for during those long Missouri winter months. Simply just calling home was too much for me to handle. I told the Lord I couldn't do it, that if He really did want me to do that I would need His help or I would need Him to help me another way. A few days later we were home for lunch. I was in our room on the twin bed provided by the dear members we were living with, when our small mission cell phone rang, a shiny slate colored Sprint flip model. When I received the phone I saw my own home phone number staring back at me! I answered quickly but tentatively, my heart racing wondering if something was wrong but so grateful for the opportunity. <br />
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"Hello?" I answered. <br />
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It was my Dad. <br />
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He said that his "spider sense" had been tingling and that he felt like he needed to talk to me. I burst into tears knowing that the Lord had simply and mercifully found a way for me to get some comfort during a dark and difficult time. The story still brings me to the point of sobbing whenever I relay it, even as I type these words now. This isn't the only example of my attempts to navigate moral dilemmas before, during, or after my mission but it will always be my most dear because I feel it reminds me of the power of prayer and the love of a Heavenly Father for his child, answered by her earthly father. Happily, this and other experiences like it, as well as psychological counseling and medication, have helped me largely overcome Depressive episodes and I have been able to move forward into a truly wonderful life (not even postpartum!) Even still my compassion for those who may not always fit the "mormon mold" or where the framework of the Church might fail them has never left me. I don't remember what my Father and I ended up talking about during those fateful 20 minutes, but the fact that it happened reminds me often and powerfully of "how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things and ponder it in your heart" (Moroni 10:4). <br />
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Essentially doing the Lord's will in one's life must account for a certain amount of flexibility. I've often thought that <a href="https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/ill-go-where-you-want-me-to-go?lang=eng">Hymn #270</a> should perhaps be rewritten to the effect of: "It may not be on the mountain height (<i>or it may be</i>)...It may not be on the battle front (<i>or it may be</i>)..." Even so, this is not a call for moderation (even with my often use of the admittedly limited word "moderate") as Elder Oaks states in a wonderful and aptly named <a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/1994/10/our-strengths-can-become-our-downfall">fireside</a> entitled "Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall": "Moderation in all things is not a virtue, because it would seem to justify moderation in commitment." <br />
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I think that in order to effectively navigate moral dilemmas in our lives we must, as Julie B. Beck, former General Relief Society President, <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/and-upon-the-handmaids-in-those-days-will-i-pour-out-my-spirit">states</a>: use the Spirit. She says, "A good woman (and I would add man) knows that she (or he) does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do....But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently." I believe that the potential exists for two people to be presented with the exact same moral dilemma and God could give them different answers, 2 different "right" outcomes and to each the other would seem to be "sinning." In my story above God could have easily given me comfort in a thousand other ways that didn't involve breaking mission rules, but I think in that case it was important for me to learn His voice in my life and to feel that love He has for me through my own father. Elder Henry B. Eyring illustrated this concept for Priesthood leaders in his talk "<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/bind-up-their-wounds?lang=eng" target="_blank">Bind Up Their Wounds</a>." In explaining how God can help quorum presidents know when to ask for service and when <i>not</i> to ask, he elucidates: "[God] knows whose wife was near the breaking point because her husband was unable to find time to do what she needed done to care for her needs. He knows which children would be blessed by seeing their father go one more time to help others or if the children needed the feeling that they matter to their father enough for him to spend time with them that day. But He also knows who needs the invitation to serve but might not appear to be a likely or willing candidate." I see an increased sensitivity to this idea in Church discourse, that individual circumstances merit individual spiritual consideration.<br />
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This of course is in paradox to the idea that there is one way for everyone, but we are indeed a peculiar <a href="http://www.amazon.com/People-Paradox-History-Mormon-Culture/dp/0199915989" target="_blank">people of paradox</a>. Apparently Mormons are the most comfortable with this idea given one recent <a href="http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/major-new-study-of-religion-has-much-to-say-about-mormons" target="_blank">survey</a>. This is why within our collective congregation we must get comfortable with the idea of "<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/peculiarpeople/2013/11/in-praise-of-cafeteria-mormonism/" target="_blank">internal plurality</a>" and the freedom to share all our stories, whether orthodox or not. And to do so even if they contradict one another, because as Joseph Smith stated beautifully: "in proving contraries, truth is made manifest."<br />
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Following the Spirit of course takes more self-discipline and self-mastery than simply picking which commandments to follow and always following them, but I think that's part of our existence here on earth: "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them" (Abraham 3:25). When we always remember the Atonement, we can both navigate these dilemmas without falling into pride against other people or despair that we fall short. As Elder <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/the-power-of-righteousness" target="_blank">Richard G. Scott</a> puts it, “A righteous life requires discipline. Discipline is that characteristic which will give you the strength to avoid giving up what you want most in life for something you think you want now. It is a friend, not a harsh taskmaster that makes life miserable. <i>Discipline is easier to acquire when it is rooted in faith in Jesus Christ, when it is nourished by an understanding of His teachings and plan of happiness</i>” (emphasis added). If we understand the Atonement, we can navigate moral dilemmas because His sacrifice pays for the breaking of one commandment. The Atonement makes it <i>possible</i> to live in mortality because if we <i>really</i> understood our fallen state, we would be crushed under the weight of impossible despair.<br />
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One image that has immensely helped me understand and navigate the moral dilemmas in my life is that of the Straight and Narrow Path. During His Sermon on the Mount, after speaking some of the most powerful verses in all of scripture about not judging, giving freely, asking in faith and the Golden Rule, Jesus gives this image: "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it" (Matthew 7:13-14). In Mormon scripture the Lord declares through Joseph Smith: "For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it” (D&C 132:22). <br />
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Since a path has two ways in which one can fall off it, two other verses help me understand the importance of staying on the path. At the climax of the Book of Mormon, Jesus Christ appears to the Nephites in the Americas, shows him the wounds in His body, and declares his divine role and mission as Savior. He then begins to expound doctrine in 3 Nephi 11:40 and states “And whoso shall declare more or less than this, and establish it for my doctrine, the same cometh of evil, and is not built upon my rock.” Again in the Doctrine & Covenants the Lord states: "Whosoever declareth more or less than this, the same is not of me, but is against me; therefore he is not of my church." On either side of the path there is the potential to fall into a state of "more" or "less" and both have their consequences. Either side would compel us to "be acted upon" rather than to act (2 Nephi 2:26).</div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-16b7e876-c4c1-307f-779e-2708c25f171d">I shared the following diagram with my Relief Society lesson a few months ago:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY4mT9DXHf6V9f3qlVJHuez40UJEXVJcrPlxlR8NFiG2oQyzd9DJB9ey9Fgm46lP-THC9Se_p0Qb6hSLbkiY8IiCi_DAjMDbBL5a4gUekf7xArinF1sxjN8EYghN1b-NxV8xHE1ZYJ7hs/s1600/path.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY4mT9DXHf6V9f3qlVJHuez40UJEXVJcrPlxlR8NFiG2oQyzd9DJB9ey9Fgm46lP-THC9Se_p0Qb6hSLbkiY8IiCi_DAjMDbBL5a4gUekf7xArinF1sxjN8EYghN1b-NxV8xHE1ZYJ7hs/s320/path.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The narrow gate is usually referenced as our commitment and covenant to get on the path of discipleship: baptism. Once on the path though we have a long and treacherous way to go in order to "endure to the end." Baptism is a one time event, an outward expression of our inward desires, but continuous repentance and conversion is a process, transformation more than destination. </div>
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So often we talk about the "less" of the gospel: struggling with not giving service, laziness at keeping the commandments, using Christ's sacrifice as an excuse for sin (see <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bd/nicolaitans?lang=eng" target="_blank">Nicolitains</a>), the plight of the unfaithful scholar, ignoring doctrine, not following the Prophet, judging people who are different than us, looking down on the poor, breaking the letter of the law...the list could go on. Yet what I find disturbing in much of Church discourse and Sunday School worship is the lack of addressing the "mores" of the gospel: not accepting/receiving service, righteous indignation, not believing or acknowledging Christ's sacrifice for us (see Alma 37:46), praising blind belief, creating or perpetuating folk doctrine, deifying our leaders, judging people who are just like us, scoffing at wealth, breaking the spirit of the law...these to me are equally as important to our gospel living and worship and essential to effectively enduring to the end. I think no one covers this folly of our virtues becoming vices better than C.S. Lewis in his book "The Screwtape Letters" about 2 devils working to trump a faithful christian. As humans we like to both oversimplify and overcomplicate the gospel. Both are a stumbling block to our eternal progression. Both lead us away from the Spirit and can lead to our "destruction." Both need to be repented of.</div>
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So how do we stay on the path? How do we effectively navigate the moral dilemmas of our lives? Like I stated above I think following the Spirit is an essential characteristic but I think there's a bigger, more important answer, the answer to everything: The Atoning Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. </div>
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One of my all time favorite talks is by Marvin J. Ashton called "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword." He addresses "bashing" and in a day full of 24 hour news, mud-slinging elections, trolling, and daily internet vitriol that would make our ancestors turn in their graves--not to mention the daily atrocities that happen in REAL life, I think it all the more applicable today than when it was given over 20 years ago. He also talks about Charity. Sweet, sweet charity--real charity, the kind that "never faileth" (Moroni 7:46 and Corinthians 13:8). My favorite quote on charity is as follows:<br />
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<i>Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more.<br /><br />Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.<br /><br /><b>Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.</b></i><br />
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Fundamental attribution error posits that in going about our daily lives we often ascribe and overemphasize inward character flaws with other people's actions but underemphasize and use external events to explain our own behavior: that person was an idiot for speeding but we can't possibly be late for our own job. Sometimes when we find the truth of the situation we feel remorse: the angry waiter who so deserved my minuscule tip turns out to be a weary father just trying to support a family and a dying mother on small wages. We feel remorse <i>after</i> (and if) we know the truth but was there anything we could do before? This is why Fred Rogers is my personal hero: he always trusted others were doing their best and never judged too soon. <br />
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To put even more guilt on your plate there is the the pygmalion effect. Also known as "The Rosenthal Effect" it is the phenomenon where people will rise or lower to the expectations we have for them. If I believe my employees to be hard working and industrious they will rise to that expectation. If we believe our children and students to be dumb and uncreative then sadly and efficiently, they eventually will be. Our own thoughts can cause people to become self-fulfilling prophecies. This places a small but significant responsibility for the actions of others on our own heads. The good news is we can help each other be better! I've seen the fruits in my life as I've started believing people, taking them at their word. I've felt it in my life when people believe me: it makes me want to make sure I'm being that good person they take me to be. I think if we really realized how much we are all interconnected, we would be more careful about our actions. Too often we forget to have charity and to give others the "benefit of the doubt."<br />
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I've also realized that if other people are in fact sinning, that they will be judged for it--not me. And it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong when the Lord tells me "For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged" (3 Nephi 14:2 and Matthew 7:2). As Elder Holland says: “I believe with all my heart that if we can repent of our sins, if we can be charitable with the sins of others, if we can take courage toward our circumstances and want to do something about them, the living Father of us all will reach down and, in the scriptural term, “bear [us] up as on eagles’ wings” (D&C 124:18).”<br />
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I think when we realize how much we each fail at Charity--that commandment that Paul says we are "nothing" without--that second great commandment in the law, we start to realize how much more we need the Atonement and only then can we begin to make amends. We must come to terms with that "Great Dilemma" that we are a sinner, because we don't go to the Doctor until we know we are sick. And we are all very, very sick. We need Charity so much and because Christ suffered for all of us, we don't have to keep score. We can <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-savior-wants-to-forgive" target="_blank">forgive</a> ourselves and we can <a href="https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/forgive-70-times-7?lang=eng" target="_blank">forgive</a> others, and we don't have to judge others because they <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng" target="_blank">sin differently than us</a>. We can have that love because He first loved us, and loves all of His children. <br />
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When we stray from the path, in either direction, we can be humble, we can pray, we can repent. Examine the fruits of ideas and situations and people with the Spirit because "by the power of the Holy Ghost (we) may know the truth of all things" (Moroni 10:5). When we feel bitterness or resentment or fear or unrighteous pride we can recognize it and change. Whether that's looking down at someone who isn't doing what they should or getting frustrated with someone who isn't as patient with us as they should be. We <i>all</i> fall short of the glory of God. We <i>all</i> need the Atonement, we <i>all</i> need Jesus: He is more than the reason for the season, he is the Reason.<br />
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<i>"O then, my beloved brethren, come unto the Lord, the Holy One. Remember that his paths are righteous. Behold, the way for man is narrow, but it lieth in a straight course before him, and the keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there; and there is none other way save it be by the gate; for he cannot be deceived, for the Lord God is his name" --2 Nephi 9:41</i><br />
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Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599940762578667634.post-87208482848170441362013-11-18T09:59:00.002-08:002014-03-10T11:02:49.796-07:00Homosexuals and the Plan of Salvation: Why We Need New Revelation<script>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[Editors Note: This is the first and possibly only post for this blog my husband and I have talked about starting for several months to chronicle our discussions of gospel topics. It was originally posted to Facebook on Monday, November 18, 2013 with the status: Today I am grateful for many things: my family, my faith, my Church, for Prophets and continuing revelation and of course the Savior. I've written something--it's long but I think its important. In my life I've known and cared about a lot of Gay people. I've always felt this was for a reason, that God had a plan, but I didn't know what that reason was. I think this is it."</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[Update: I've recently added an addendum at the end of this post that addresses my thoughts on Prop 8 and The Proclamation to the Family since I originally neglected to mention either. I feel they clarify some things and sum up my thoughts.]</span></i><br />
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As an rank and file member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I have had to navigate my share of internal contradictions within the teachings of the LDS Church. Often the insights I gain when contemplating these contradictions reveal beautifully harmonious ideas that no longer seem at odds with each other. One such topic involves the treatment of homosexuals in the plan of salvation. I grew up in a loving LDS home with a worthy Priesthood leader for a father and doting stay-at-home mother. I’ve attended Church my whole life, went to BYU for my undergraduate, served a mission and married in the temple. I am currently a stay-at-home mother to a beautiful little boy and am constructing this essay among other projects between naps and bedtimes, dishes and dirty laundry. I’ve studied the deeper aspects of the Gospel that at best leave members feeling uncomfortable and worst lead to their eventual apostasy and removal from the Church (either by themselves or from ecclesiastical discipline) and successfully navigated and integrated them into my own personal tapestry of spirituality and worship. I have a strong testimony of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and His speaking to Prophets both in ancient and modern times. In other words, I know both logically and ethereally that this Church is true. I wish to make this known at the beginning of my essay so that as my words, written in the weakness of my language, are not misunderstood, misinterpreted, seen as heresy or even critical of the Church. It has come to my attention, through intense personal prayer and scripture study, larger critical study of Church history and doctrine, personal experience and personal testimony of others that the Plan of Salvation, also known as the “Plan of Happiness” as we currently perceive it, does not account for the current Church supported understandings of homosexuality. In other words: we need new revelation.<br />
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I started this honest inquiry a little over a year ago, the biggest thing being the impending birth of my first born son. I wanted to know from the Lord how I should teach and treat homosexuality and interacting with His children in a post-DOMA world, inklings of which I could already sense even though DOMA was not officially repealed until a few months after his birth. I had navigated many relationships with family and friends who were homosexual while maintaining my standards (sometimes even lovingly but blatantly telling them that I supported them as a person but not their lifestyle). Even though I felt I had done so successful, I knew going forward that things would not be the same as they were when I was growing up and I wanted to know from the Lord what He would have me do concerning our growing family. I lacked wisdom, knowing that if any woman needed it at this time in her life it was me. The feelings and promptings I got were somewhat unexpected although I was not shielding myself from them: love openly and proactively, worry not about regulating lifestyle, listen intently and follow the Spirit. <br />
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The existence of homosexuality is difficult for many Latter-day Saints because it directly challenges some of our most dear and guarded doctrines on eternal families and our divine natures as children of God. But exist it does. Quoted from the Church’s website: “This complex matter touches on the things we care about most: our basic humanity, our relationship to family, our identity and potential as children of God, how we treat each other, and what it means to be disciples of Christ.” <br />
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The Plan of Salvation is the collection of Mormon doctrines that answer the larger questions about our existence: where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. We believe that we existed before this earth life with Heavenly Parents who loved us and sent us down to earth so that we could learn and grow through experiences and trials and eventually come back to their presence through the sacrifice of their son Jesus Christ. We believe this earth life is an important part of our eternal existence and that the experiences we have here are ultimately “for (our) good” (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7).<br />
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With the Church’s introduction of mormonsandgays.org, they make the statement: “The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people...Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them.” Recognizing the complex reality of sexuality breaks from the long held dogmatic belief that sexuality at the heart involved a choice. This raises issues with the current lifestyle options allowed to homosexuals within the Mormon Church: a life of celibacy or the infinitely more complex option of a mixed-orientation marriage. And even though I have personally and publicly known people in successful, committed mixed-orientation marriages--it is a hugely personal decision for a couple to say the least, and a difficult path to walk I'm sure.<br />
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Growing up in California I had plenty of opportunity to have my valiancy on this subject tested. At 14 I stood up in front of 30 or so classmates and terrifyingly yet proudly denounced gay marriage for a number of well researched reasons. I received an “A” even with my teacher’s contrary opinion on the matter. Yet to be humble we must be willing to review our positions from time to time. The Lord’s urgency on my studying this out has kept me up many a nights, and even with His patience I still have not prayed to ask which way be right and somewhat feeling grateful that no vote is currently being asked of me. I have felt the weight of a great moral dilemma, not unlike Saul in the Old Testament whose animal sacrifice was unacceptable to the Lord, despite it being the expression of obedience in the mosaic law and the approved cultural expression of willingness to do the Lord’s will in one’s life. The words of our Prophet from just this last April (which incidentally I had to read later since at the time I was in the hospital giving birth) have rung in my ears: “Centuries ago, to a generation steeped in the tradition of animal sacrifice, Samuel boldly declared, “To obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.”<br />
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Realizing my approach in the past may have been unwarranted and also feeling great spiritual weight to understand these things completely, I launched into a deep scriptural study through all the standard works. I also exhaustively studied Church history as well as scholarly and personal writings online and in print. Conservative faithful LDS readers who have delved into messier gospel topics can testify that “it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31). Yet knowing the voice of God in my life and eventually letting faith override the fears I had, I moved forward into the abyss. What I first thought would be a major challenge to my testimony turned out to mostly be an unpacking of the fears and anxieties I had built up around homosexuality (even though I have loved many a gay people). Removing these fears and instead leaning on the Spirit, I have found for myself that “perfect love casteth out all fear” (Moroni 8:16) and that God indeed “hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). I found that my hesitancy to address these matters was that I “feared man more than God” (D&C 3:7), other men and women being my fellow saints. This essay is in part my repentance from that error. Even so, I was acutely aware that those smarter than me and more spiritual than I of having been deceived in the past. In the midst of my studies I discussed everything I learned with my husband who is also a faithful Latter-day Saint. He has been sublimely supportive and has been my rock, and working together we've kept firmly on The Rock. This analysis is meant to be ultimately faith promoting even though it questions some current Mormon teachings on homosexuality.<br />
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From the beginning of time God has called prophets and spoken to them, giving them inspiration and revelation that is often written down as scripture. Scripture is not received within a vacuum, and has much to do with the place and time in which it has been received. When new revelation is not being received, Prophets teach and expound scripture that has already been written. In the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord says: “Behold, I am God and have spoken it; these commandments are of me, and were given unto my servants in their weakness, after the manner of their language, that they might come to understanding” (D&C 1:24). I personally believe that God is trying to do as much good as possible among his imperfect mortal children at any given time, and that as the human family progresses in light and knowledge throughout the dispensations; so does the beauty and complexity of his commandments. This helps me understand why really appalling teachings and commandments from the Lord are found in the Old Testament including murder, mass genocide, slavery, and the treatment of homosexuals. This explains why later revelations often clarify and contextualize earlier teachings and that the Lord’s word is often described as a “two edged sword” to the “dividing asunder” of both joints and marrow, of soul and spirit (Hebrews 4:12, Doctrine and Covenants 11:2, 6:2, 12:2, 14:2, and 33:1). <br />
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This is why every new conference, though profoundly inspiring, does not end up in our scriptures and while only a few revelations, mainly the Manifestos and a couple others have been added to our Doctrine and Covenants since the bulk of new revelation was received in this dispensation. Revelation usually happens in response to a question or need and we do not as a Church, to quote <a href="http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=795">Elder Holland</a>, believe in “ex nihilo revelation.”<br />
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Since prophets most of the time are working with what is already there and working within the context of current times, it is possible for Church leaders to misinterpret previous scriptures and “make mistakes” as Elder Uchtdorf expressed this <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/come-join-with-us?lang=eng">last conference</a>. The most notable of this is Brigham Young’s “<a href="http://en.fairmormon.org/Adam-God_theory">Adam-God Theory</a>” which was preached from the pulpit and later denounced as non-doctrinal. This does not negate Brigham Young’s calling as a true prophet of God or the true doctrine that he did preach from the pulpit.<br />
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Understanding of homosexuality has changed throughout human history and the Church’s own past. Old testament and new testament scriptures make no distinction between lifestyle and inherent sexuality, only stating homosexuality as a sin in the broad sense. This is no wonder, considering this was in a time where the idea of same gender attraction as something inert and sexuality being something distinct from gender or the act of sex itself was about as easily conceived as the internet or airplanes or a thousand other things concerning modernity. It takes only a cursory reading of the Old Testament to gain a clear and unmistakable appreciation for modern and continuing revelation. The Book of Mormon makes no mention of homosexuality, only that sexual sin is an abomination (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/39.3-5?lang=eng#2">Alma 39:3–5</a>). The Doctrine & Covenants also make no specific mention of homosexuality. The Church’s own policy and rhetoric has <a href="http://timesandseasons.org/index.php/2011/09/evolving-lds-views-on-homosexuality/">changed </a>over time resulting in the latest iteration being the Church sponsored website <a href="http://mormonsandgays.org/">http://mormonsandgays.org</a>. In this, while there is a greater call to love and listen, the Church also made clear the distinction that this policy “has not changed nor is changing.”<br />
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It is true God’s laws do not change, however, our understanding and application of His laws and ordinances do change from time to time, sometimes in dramatic and paradigm shifting ways. This is at the heart of our foundation built on <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/04/my-words-never-cease">modern and continuing revelation</a>. In the ancient Church, cultural attitudes and Church policy had to accommodate new revelation with the old cultural practices of Judaism. This is why the Savior had to clarify: “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil” (Matthew 5:17). Much of the New Testament after the four gospels is the Apostles trying to sort out within the membership old cultural practices that were perpetuating or being unnecessarily amalgamated into the new Church. Similarly, early on in the modern Church, there were huge paradigm shifts to both accept polygamy and then after the Manifesto, to discontinue the practice. Faithful Church members in Utah during the period of polygamy believed that the families involved in Church sanctioned polygamy were practicing true “<a href="http://www.pbs.org/mormons/interviews/gordon.html">celestial marriage</a>.” This unique family unit as a higher law had to be reconsidered in the period after the revelation disbanding polygamy. Sexual relations are to be kept within bounds the Lord has set, but at times the Lord has ordained other marriages. <br />
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Homosexuality within the bonds of marriage has no scriptural precedent, which understandably has led to possible assumptions inside and outside the Church to believe that gay marriage is completely unacceptable and is also in direct opposition to traditional marriage. If new revelation were to allow gay marriage, traditional scriptures about homosexuality would still apply when considering the laws of chastity before marriage and fidelity after. <br />
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Now to be clear, this essay is NOT a clarion call for the Church to accommodate gay marriage. And not just because there are subsets within the gay Mormon community that are already doing that but because to me that approach seems more contentious than seeking. I personally feel extremely uncomfortable with directly challenging the Brethren. I do think we need to allow space for dissent within our community, but my call here today is for Mormons everywhere is to stop, take a step back, and recognize the deficiencies within our own doctrine; and at the same time, recognize and ponder on the glorious message of the Restoration: we have a Prophet of God who is authorized to receive further light and knowledge and dispel contradictions in doctrine previously understood. <br />
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And in seeking humility I understand and readily acknowledge that an expansion of the current understanding of the Plan of Salvation to accommodate our gay brothers and sisters (beyond being children of God) may not include the ordination of gay marriage. Simply saying God now ordains gay marriage would bring up a lot of other doctrinal questions: what does that mean about the importance of marriage in bringing children of God into this earth life through biological reproduction and the creation of our physical bodies in the image of God for that purpose. We need further revelation to see the broader perspective of how the existence of homosexuality fits in the Plan of Salvation, for at the moment we “see through a glass darkly” (1 Cor. 13:12). We as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints need to stop asking questions about gay marriage, and start asking questions about the role and nature of sexuality in the plan of Salvation. For in there here and now, there is currently no scripture (canonized or otherwise) directly addressing sexuality.<br />
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For whatever reason, faults with Church leaders have never caused my testimony to waiver, knowing that God was over all and putting my faith in His plan and His power. This point has been the mainstay of my deeper study of gospel doctrine and history throughout my life. As <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe">Jeffrey R. Holland</a> stated: “Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with...As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fulness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all.” I know that the Lord speaks to the Prophets but that Prophetic stewardship and revelation is more complex than God simply speaking out his word verbatim to the Prophet. This in no way diminishes the divinity of the work or the authority of the Prophets. <br />
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Prophets and Apostles being ordained of God and authorized to speak in His name and knowing that they can and have spoken untrue statements from the pulpit does not make these two facts mutually exclusive. In his <a href="http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/ces-devotionals/2013/01?lang=eng&vid=2093631404001">CES fireside</a> at the beginning of this year, Elder Uchtdorf quoted Brigham Young in saying: “I am … afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blind self-security. … Let every man and woman know, by the whispering of the Spirit of God to themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates.” To me this places a large responsibility on us as members to be listening to the Spirit while we internalize the teachings of Church Authorities. I am sure even <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/no-other-gods?lang=eng">Elder Oak’s</a> would agree that making the Lord a priority in our lives and not placing any other Gods ahead of the One who leads this Church would also include His anointed servants. It is telling to me of the character of Elder Bruce R. McConkie, a well known writer on theories about the “seed of cain” concerning “The Negro” to say in a <a href="http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1570">BYU devotional</a> a few months after the 1978 landmark revelation to “Forget everything that I have said, or what President Brigham Young or President George Q. Cannon or whomsoever has said in days past that is contrary to the present revelation. <i>We spoke with a limited understanding and without the light and knowledge that now has come into the world</i>” (emphasis added).<br />
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Perhaps the best example we have of Prophetic revelation and the revelatory process is the documentation gathered by Spencer W. Kimball’s son in a <a href="https://byustudies.byu.edu/showtitle.aspx?title=7885%20">BYU Studies</a> Article concerning the revelation to extend the Priesthood to all worthy males. President Kimball struggled for months on end, praying in the temple and importuning the brethren in considering the question on blacks and the Priesthood, which was a divided issue for a time among the apostles. He struggled with the prejudices he held growing up as a boy in Arizona and the long held cultural attitudes in America at the time concerning African Americans and with a beautiful experience involving a pentecostal outpouring of the Spirit, they were able to overturn the policy restricting Priesthood and Temple ordinances for Black members.<br />
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On one side God speaks to Prophets in the weakness of their language, while on the other side the Prophets can only give us revelation that we are willing to accept. An example of this in in the Old Testament when Moses brought down the higher law but upon finding the children of Israel worshipping the golden calf, returned to the Lord and brought down the stone tablets and what now known as “The Mosaic Law” or lower law (Exodus 32:19-20). Concerning the revelation extending the Priesthood to blacks, It is interesting to note that in meetings leading up to the announcement, there were concerns that the membership wouldn’t receive the revelation. From what I understand, we could be stopping revelation from happening simply because we don’t believe it could happen or have faith enough to ask. As Moroni states: “wherefore, if these things (miracles and revelations) have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain” (Moroni 7:37). We must have faith, as well as prepare ourselves, for further light and knowledge from the Lord through a Prophet of God.<br />
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Whenever the Prophet has received new revelation from the Lord, there are shifts that occur within the larger membership to accommodate and shed off folk doctrine that has built up around how things were practiced before the new revelation. This is part of the pattern of God calling Prophets from the beginning of time, his people eventually falling into apostasy, and the Church having to be reestablished and restored by calling a new prophet. Even though we are in the “dispensation of the fulness of times,” the final dispensation, and prophecy reveals no other mass apostasy before the second coming (Daniel 2:44, D&C 138:44), we can still collect folk doctrine that can inhibit us from receiving new revelation. In the words of <a href="https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/worldwide-leadership-training/2012/01/acting-on-the-truths-of-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng">President Uchtdorf</a>: “Brothers and sisters, as good as our previous experience may be, if we stop asking questions, stop thinking, stop pondering, we can thwart the revelations of the Spirit...<i>How often has the Holy Spirit tried to tell us something we needed to know but couldn’t get past the massive iron gate of what we thought we already knew?</i>” (emphasis added). I believe homosexuality could fall under the situation of previous understanding thwarting new revelation.<br />
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Most members in the Church believe that revelation through a prophet of God is essentially a top-down program. The understanding is, “if the Lord wants us to know something, he will tell us through the Prophet” often forgetting that revelation through the Prophet is not much different for them as it is for us and the distinction is more a matter of stewardship rather than spirituality. I’ve heard many talks from the Brethren telling members that they hold the same revelatory power in their lives as the Prophet does. This does not mean members can receive revelation <i>for</i> the Church (this was cleared up early on with Doctrine & Covenants section 28 concerning Hiram Page) but it also does not mean members cannot receive revelation <i>about</i> the Church. In our <a href="http://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-lorenzo-snow/chapter-5-the-grand-destiny-of-the-faithful?lang=eng">lesson manual</a> this year, Lorenzo Snow recounts an experience he had in the spring of 1840 where he received a vision dictating the doctrine we now understand as “deification of man.” His own poem sums up the revelation:<br />
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“As man now is, God once was:<br />
As God now is, man may be.”<br />
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The account continues, “Feeling that he had received ‘a sacred communication’ that he should guard carefully, Lorenzo Snow did not teach the doctrine publicly until he knew that the Prophet Joseph Smith had taught it. Once he knew the doctrine was public knowledge, he testified of it frequently (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow, Page 83). This is especially interesting, because when Lorenzo Snow received these thoughts, the idea of a God who progresses, as well as his children being able to attain godhood was in direct contradiction to the current understanding of the nature of God and man, and still is for mainstream Christianity. Where I judged them before, this account gives me pause when thinking of many faithful Latter-day saint members who currently support gay marriage. Let us have charity and give them the benefit of the doubt. If they are wrong that will weigh on their conscience, not ours.<br />
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Even though there is nothing stopping members from asking for more revelations from the Prophet, the “proper channels” for that to occur have been convoluted through <a href="https://www.lds.org/manual/church-history-in-the-fulness-of-times-student-manual/chapter-forty-three-an-era-of-correlation-and-consolidation?lang=eng">Correlation</a> and widespread growth of the Church in the 20th century. In Joseph Smith’s day, members could easily approach the Prophet and ask questions about personal or doctrinal matters, resulting in many of the revelations included in the Doctrine & Covenants. With the advent of the internet and social media, all organizations are seeing a flattening effect, including the Church. Grassroots efforts with members who have concerns about doctrine have begun to snowball, perhaps the most noted being the Mormon Feminists. Even though I myself identify as a “Moderate Mormon Feminist” I have not officially joined with any of the feminist groups, simply because social protest within the Church makes me extremely uncomfortable, even though I also have honest questions concerning doctrine and policy regarding gender roles.<br />
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To honestly contemplate gay marriage within the gospel paradigm has admittedly felt somewhat akin to an “abrahamic sacrifice” in going against my long held convictions concerning authority, revelation and eternal families. Sometimes we like to draw the proverbial line in the sand and do our best to “hide our face from sin” (Isaiah 53). Yet knowing that I could fall prey to the same overzealousness as the Pharisees, I did my best to follow the Spirit and walk the “straight and narrow path.” Feeling great urgency from the Lord I have pressed onward. The mental gymnastics that a member has to make to accommodate gay marriage in the Mormon paradigm are not much more than the call to both stand up for traditional marriage while obeying the charge to “love thy neighbor” (as I have literally, at multiple times and multiple locations in the United States had neighbors who are homosexual). This does not mean that gay marriage <i>will</i> be ordained in the Mormon Church, I just want to make sure I am humble and willing to receive any new revelation the Lord presents through His prophet.<br />
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Of course, if gay marriage were allowed, members who have fought long and hard for traditional marriage would see this as a very real contradiction to the most recent discourse from the Church and would perhaps suffer from a faith crisis. This would not be historically precedent, as families in my mission in Missouri were known to have left the Church after the 1978 revelation extending Priesthood to blacks. I judged them, falling to the vice of generational superiority, until I realized that up until about a year ago I would have had a faith crisis myself if the Church were to change its policy concerning homosexuality. I was further humbled when I realized that there were many <a href="https://byustudies.byu.edu/showtitle.aspx?title=7885%20">statements </a>from Apostles prior to 1978 that suggested blacks would only receive the Priesthood in the Eternities.<br />
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Our Plan of Happiness as outlined in the scriptures is a beautiful restoration that expands and clarifies what early Christians sought to understand with the scripture that was left to them. For example, the expansion to include a pre-mortal existence as well as the break from a clearly bifurcated Heaven/Hell afterlife account for greater mercy from our Heavenly Father regarding the necessary saving ordinances for those who could not receive them in this life. But as any gospel scholar within the Church knows, it does not answer all questions. For example, it does not specifically tell us HOW we lived with our Heavenly Parents or HOW our Spirits were organized. At the other end of the diagram, there are conflicting opinions from apostles about the rigidity of the tri-glory existence: namely, is “kingdom swapping” allowed? In the same vein and understandably, it was written from a heteronormative perspective, like all scripture before it. To quote the 9th article of our faith: “We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” <br />
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One view that has been expressed from some of the Brethren is that homosexuality is a condition of mortality, that God’s children will not be gay in the eternities. I have heard accounts of some gay Mormons believing this to be true, while there are some that find this idea ludicrous. I find that when I compare this idea to my own heterosexuality and what I understand about my eternal marriage, the idea holds much less water. This idea may end up being a personal opinion of the Apostles preached as doctrine. This is not unheard of and does not challenge their status as Apostles of the Lord, especial witnesses of Jesus Christ.<br />
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If there was a major policy change regarding homosexuality within the Church, critics and non-believers might cite outside pressures as the impetus and try to use it as evidence to discount the divinity of this work. While these pressures are indeed part of receiving modern revelation (can we honestly say the Manifesto would have happened without the United States outlawing polygamy?) true believers and those with personal testimonies regarding the sanctity of this work will know that it is more nuanced than that: the Lord is directing His Church through his imperfect, mortal children.<br />
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And so I wait patiently, urging all to pray for ourselves and our leaders and to pray for inspiration and the courage to follow it. I am humbly petitioning our leaders to examine the role that homosexuals play in the Plan of Salvation, a undertaking that has yet to be examined in the context of seeking prophetic advice. If that revelation comes tomorrow, in 10 years, 50 years, or never, I continue to support the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and sustain our leaders because I know this is God’s Church on the earth once again. In the meantime I continue to pray and follow inspiration of how I can both support the plan as we currently understand it, including the traditional family and our religious freedoms while also following inspiration on how I can better love and support our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters around us. These days that includes an increase of love, listening, charity, and friendship which unfortunately has not always been my highest priority.<br />
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To the current and former gay Mormons and their allies: I honor your pain and your patience. You are effectively navigating a doctrinal desert and many of you in my eyes are “spiritual pioneers.” The scriptures that can help you and bring you comfort far outnumber the scriptures that might confuse you or bring you pain. My thoughts are drawn to the <a href="http://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/peters-revelation-to-take-the-gospel-to-the-gentiles?lang=eng">Gentiles</a> who approached Peter before the revelation was received to bring the gospel to all the world and to those faithful <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/be-meek-and-lowly-of-heart?lang=eng">African Americans</a> who lived and worked in the Church prior to the 1978 revelation. I pray that further light and knowledge come sooner rather than later. In the meantime, please stay with us as much as possible: We need you and the Lord needs you.<br />
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As a woman in the Church I have no ecclesiastical authority or aspirations for such beyond my family and my calling. I am simply and most profoundly: a <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/the-moral-force-of-women">mother</a>. I have made the sacrifice of mind and body, spirit and soul to bring a child into this world, in a tabernacle of flesh, in order to experience mortality. I will raise him in a righteous loving home surrounded by the Gospel and caring parents, and the hope he and the children to come will make correct decisions through their agency that will lead them back into the arms of loving Heavenly Parents. Becoming a parent makes you realize the sublime love of our Heavenly Father towards all of his children, from time immemorial, and that his greatest triumph is truly to “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Concerning our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as part of our human family, one of my greatest desires is to also be able to see them fully partake in the blessings of the gospel, feel the love of the Savior, and be able to return home to our God.<br />
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Megan Knobloch Geilman</div>
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November 18, 2013</div>
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BYU Campus, Provo, Utah.</div>
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If and until we receive further light and knowledge concerning homosexuality in the Plan of Salvation, please consider these methods in interacting with gays and lesbians. The focus is on charity and do not conflict with current Church policy.<br />
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- When interacting with gays and lesbians, ask yourself how you would treat a child of God, as they are certainly accounted for in the Plan of Salvation under these terms, and treat them accordingly.<br />
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- Pray for our leaders. Revelation takes time, patience, humility, study, prayer, inquiry, and all the other good things that the Gospel teaches us to be. <br />
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- If you have a friend who is gay and interested in the Church, instead of testifying that the Lord has ordained marriage between a man and a woman (which He has), instead humbly let them know that we don’t understand at the moment perhaps all that God knows concerning the complex nature of sexuality but that we have a living Prophet and the ability to receive new scripture. That if we are patient, whether here or in the eternities, all questions will be answered. This is wonderful and incredibly hopeful news for former and currently gay christians and their allies, who wrestle with the question of homosexuality using only a closed canon of scripture.<br />
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- The above approach can also be used with Parents who have children who are gay, or have friends who are investigating the Church that struggle with the Church’s current position on homosexuality. I find this answer brings a strong confirming witness of the Spirit and to me falls under the charge to “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15). The Lord has restored the Church of Jesus Christ through a Prophet, the Heavens are not closed!<br />
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- When teaching the youth of the Church, consider the position the Boy Scouts of America have taken: “any sexual conduct, whether heterosexual or homosexual, by youth of Scouting age is contrary to the virtues of Scouting.” Many youth within the Church struggle with same gender attraction while their testimonies are tender and growing. Lambasting homosexuality with a broad brush might be insensitive to their very real and very valid feelings. Instead focus on the Lord’s law of chastity before marriage and fidelity after, and that right now the Lord has only ordained marriage between a man and a woman.<br />
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- Listen to and validate the hurt and pain felt by our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters caused either by members or from direct teachings of the Church. As Nephi says “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:17).The Church is not perfect, but it is true. I also find this helps me keep my baptismal covenants of effectively “mourning with those that mourn” and “comforting those that stand in need of comfort.” Christ died for all of our sins. Charity IS the pure of love Christ and we can have charity BECAUSE of the pure love of Christ.<br />
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- <a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/05/the-tongue-can-be-a-sharp-sword">Elder Ashton</a> gives an expanded definition of charity that includes “giving people the benefit of the doubt.” Listen or read the experiences of gay people without trying to fit them within your mormon paradigm. Really listen. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with their choices but trust they are trying to do what God wants them to do. If they aren’t, that is their issue and concern, not yours--judge not.<br />
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- Make local outreach a priority. Actively reach out to all Gay Mormons (that includes current, former and future Gay Mormons) within your ward family. Be proactive <i>without</i> turning them into a project. We must humbly assess our Sunday experience and know that even though our signs say "Visitor's Welcome" that doesn't automatically mean that people outside the Utah-Mormon stereotype <i>feel</i> welcome. I believe we can do better. This is also a good approach to use with less-actives.<br />
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- Have faith. When Elder Holland spoke directly to doubters of the Church, a growing number at this time of great spiritual confusion on a matter of subjects, he explained: “In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith.” To me this is a qualitative statement more than a quantitative one. It is simply impossible to know of what God’s knowledge we do not yet know and will yet be revealed to the Kingdom of God; for we know that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and His ways higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). But what DO we know? We know that God is our loving Heavenly Father, that we are literally His spiritual offspring, that Jesus Christ is our Savior, that the Lord has restored his Church through a Prophet of God. These things will always trump what we do not know.<br />
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- If feelings have been hurt on either side: forgive, forget, move forward. There is much work to be done in the Kingdom.<br />
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Addendum: I've had a few people remark on the fact that I withheld any mention of Prop 8 or The Proclamation of the Family. I didn't even realize this myself until after I had posted it as I felt a great weight to finish as quickly as possible. I read through it only once personally in its entirety before posting, so great was the pressure I felt that this needed to be said to the world. I will comment on both below.<br />
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Proposition 8: Respectfully and sincerely, my singular and <i>only</i> regret with Prop 8 is that I didn't pray about it. I was on my mission at the time but was able to vote absentee from California. My parents were highly involved and made a point that I was aware and had my ballot. As a missionary, I didn't have the time or means or allowance to truly "study it out and ask if it be right." It also didn't really occur for me to do so at the time. I remember feeling uncomfortable that my Church was directly asking me to take sides on an issue because I have always been grateful that this is a politically neutral church (even though my views largely line up with conservative mormonism). I also don't feel comfortable saying that it was wrong and since I never studied or prayed about it at the time I simply have no testimony either way and this bothers me. I also see many great things that have come out of this conflict, including the creation of <a href="http://www.mormonsandgays.org/">http://www.mormonsandgays.org</a>.<br />
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The Proclamation of the Family: I have a copy of this hanging in my hallway. I have always loved and appreciated this document. I won't comment about any specifics on it but when I read through the whole thing with the eye of the Spirit this past year some things stood out more clear than others. I have wondered why it is still not canonized. Gender and consummation in marriage is addressed but there is no mention of sexuality. I am not so concerned about gay marriage as I am about the potential importance of sexuality in the Plan of Salvation. Sexuality is different and distinct from gender and lifestyle and from the act of sex itself. I think when we ask the right questions we can get the right answers from God. I came at this question through the lens of homosexuality and the debate of gay marriage because it is perhaps the most hotly contested issue of our day. I also think God's chosen people have run into trouble when they have decided what God is thinking and what He <i>will</i> and <i>will not</i> reveal to his children. I believe historically gay people have born a huge burden due to misunderstanding and lack of doctrine. I truly believe in the power of pure doctrine. And since The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only Church to claim a true Prophet and a restoration of the Priesthood for continuing revelation and an open cannon of scripture we have the means to ask this of God. Think about all the things that could potentially be cured with new scripture concerning the correct role of sexuality in the eternal scheme of things: homophobia and sexual bigotry (see John 8:3-7), pornography, frigid and failed marriages, the loneliness of spinsterhood and bachelorhood, rape culture, sexual abuse and sexual shame to name just a few. <br />
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New revelation is only received in response to a need and a question. I think we need this now more than ever and have always needed it but have been too afraid or didn't know how to ask. The question I urge <i>everyone</i> to begin asking for and praying about is such: What is the role of sexuality in God's supernal Plan of Happiness? The plan that has been built and taught for the purpose of obtaining and bringing immortality and eternal life to His precious children? What does sexuality mean for us then, now and in the eternities? Why does homosexuality bisexuality or transsexuality or anything else besides heterosexuality exist? Why does <i>sexuality</i> exist, why is it important, what is it for, what does it mean and does that alter the boundaries God has concerning it? (Please note: I have no personal agenda for seeking alteration of God's boundaries concerning sexual behavior: I am a heterosexual woman <i>happily</i> married to a heterosexual male). Is sexuality moldable, to what extent, and what are the ethics surrounding attempts to change sexuality? Because clearly, shock therapy or strongly encouraging mixed orientation marriages is a bad idea. We must acknowledge that we lack wisdom in these matters. To all who may read these words I repeat the scripture which prompted the Restoration of the Gospel in the fulness of times. The words of a Prophet of God written down for anyone to read and contemplate and follow: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." And I would add the next line (to which I am certainly not perfect at): But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering."(James 1:5-6). Let us ask, let us pray, let us have faith.<br />
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Megan Geilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07720721918684963645noreply@blogger.com